This Is Why Managing Stress Will Make You Successful

Workplace stress touches most of us at one time or another. In fact, according to the American Institute of Stress, 80 percent of us feel stressed at work. Deadlines loom. Bosses make unrealistic demands. Restructuring means anxiety over job security. Although stressors may be an inherent part of work life, buckling under the pressure doesn’t have to be.

There are plenty of reasons to manage your workplace stress rather than accepting it as part and parcel of having a busy career. For starters, stress takes a heavy physical toll. It can cause headaches, stomach upset, irritability, depression, and even elevated blood pressure.

Along with its emotional toll, prolonged job-related stress can drastically affect your physical health. Constant preoccupation with job responsibilities often leads to erratic eating habits and not enough exercise, resulting in weight problems, high blood pressure, and elevated cholesterol levels.

—American Psychological Association

Stress doesn’t exactly make you more productive on the job, either. It can strip away your ability to concentrate and process complex thoughts. Stress can make it difficult to find the motivation to complete tasks, which creates a negative feedback loop when you’re under pressure to perform.

6 Ways to Manage Stress at Work

1 Know what stresses you out.

Sure, you’re stressed. But do you actually know why? Many of us walk around on edge without ever taking a moment to uncover the source of our stress on a deep level.

Let’s say you often struggle to meet deadlines. Being behind the curve at work can be anxiety-inducing. Can you identify the underlying problems? Maybe a chatty coworker distracts you more frequently than you thought, or you’re lured away from your tasks by social media. Now that you’ve identified the root of the issue, you can work on regaining your focus.

2 Respond to stress in positive ways.

If you respond to stress by coming home, opening a bag of chips, and flinging yourself at the couch where you’ll binge-watch Netflix until you crawl off to bed, you’re not doing yourself any favors.

via GIPHY

Here are some better ways to combat stress:

• Get plenty of exercise
• Eat a healthy diet
• Make time to get plenty of rest
• Schedule social time and connect with people regularly
• Make time for your creative pursuits
• Meditate or practice yoga daily

3 Don’t skip vacation.

It’s tempting, especially when job stress is high, to push onward and be a martyr. We all like to come across as committed to our work. But is your commitment really shining through if you’re stressed out all the time and less productive as a result?

Trust us. You need a vacation. Taking time off to rejuvenate ultimately makes workers more productive. It can also reduce symptoms of stress like sleeplessness, fatigue, and headaches. Return to work relaxed and refreshed and you’ll be better equipped to get things done.

4 Act on what you can control, accept what you can’t.

How often do you find yourself thinking, Ugh! I should be getting my act together!

All those “shoulds” tend to pile up on a person, creating stress. But learning to tune in to that interior monologue allows you to focus your thoughts. Mindfulness, and a practice called radical acceptance, can help.

Radical acceptance encourages you to look at distressing events as though you’re a casual observer with no stakes in the game. You begin by simply describing what happened, and your role in it, in the most objective terms possible. Then you assess what you had control over in that particular situation, and what you didn’t.

Mindfulness challenges you to accept the things outside of your control. Why stress over things you’re powerless to change? It also helps you shift your emotional response from negative to neutral, or even productive, by teaching you to channel your energies toward acting (taking ownership of the things you do have control over) rather than simply reacting.

5 Ask for help when you need it.

Don’t be afraid to admit when you’re in the weeds. Everyone gets overwhelmed from time to time, and there’s no shame in asking for help when you truly need it.

We tend to view asking for help as admitting defeat. But put yourself in your manager’s shoes. Would you rather an employee make excuses for not completing a project on time or to your satisfaction, or have that employee ask for help before disaster strikes?

There are a few caveats to asking for help. First, make certain you’ve put in your best effort before you seek out assistance. Second, prepare any questions you have in advance. If you simply go to your boss with a complaint without offering any solutions, you’ll sound like you’re whining rather than being proactive about solving a problem. Most of all, be sure you know the answer to the question your boss is likely to ask: What do you need from me?

6 Remember what you love about your job.

When you’re stressed out, it helps to take a few deep breaths and remember what you love about your job. Maybe the work is fulfilling, or you have great coworkers, or you’re actually living the dream of being what you always wanted to be when you grew up. It’s impossible to feel both grateful and fearful or angry at the same time, so remind yourself from time to time that there are good things about your job even when the stressors are mounting.

Of course, if there’s nothing to love anymore, it may be time to consider moving on. Work stress is a fact of life, but if coping strategies aren’t working and you don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel, it may be time to hit the job boards in search of a better fit before stress takes a serious physical or emotional toll.

Small Talk 101 for Shy People in the Office

Small Talk 101 Syllabus

Course Description

Getting to know others in your office by striking up small talk conversations is an anxiety-inducing social activity, coming in right behind team-building exercises like the trust fall and that relay thing where you have to race around with a raw egg on a spoon. That goes double for introverted or shy people. This course will provide the student with five no-fail tips for striking up a conversation and sample scripts to demonstrate good small talk in action.

About Your Instructor

Karen Hertzberg holds a Ph.D. in Awkward Social Interactions from The University of Introvert Life. She specialized in Hiding in a Corner and Social Activity Avoidance until she challenged herself to study Conversation and The Art of Peopling. She is now a member of several social groups, the members of which not only do not find her boring but seek her out for conversations.

Prerequisites

Students should begin this course with an understanding that their own thoughts can be self-fulfilling. If you approach small talk with fear and trepidation, worried that you’ll be boring, you just well might be.

You should understand that you’re a worthy person with interesting things to say. Keep in mind that, particularly at office social functions, other people could well be in the same situation you are—just looking for someone to chat with. They’ll welcome you making an effort to get to know them by striking up a conversation.

How to Make Small Talk in Five Easy Steps

1 Be interested.

If you want to be interesting, be interested. Dale Carnegie (author of the classic How to Win Friends and Influence People) said it, as have other experts in the social arts over the years. The first and most important step toward making great conversation is to show a genuine interest in the people you’re chatting with. Let curiosity lead the way!

2 Ask questions and follow-up questions.

Your questions don’t have to dive deep in order to make great small talk. You can start simply by saying something like, “How was your weekend?” or “Are you enjoying the party?” Really listen to the answer, and then ask meaningful follow-up questions that show you were paying attention. If the person you’re chatting with says that their weekend was quiet, for example, you can say, “We all need that from time to time! What do you like to do in your downtime?”

3 Be present and watch your body language.

As Dolly Parton’s character in the movie Steel Magnolias cheerily suggested, “Smile! It increases your face value.” Uncross your arms. Don’t look over your shoulder as though you’re planning your exit. And, whatever you do, hands off your smartphone.

4 Find ways to relate.

While you don’t want to monopolize the conversation, you also shouldn’t make the other person do all the talking. Find some things you can relate to from time to time, and inject your own observations and experiences. After adding some brief commentary of your own (see step 5), be sure to ask another question to lead the conversation forward. If the other person mentions that they like hiking, you might answer, “Oh, me too! I hiked part of the Pacific Crest Trail last year and it was amazing. I usually stick closer to home, though. Where do you usually hike?”

5 Consider the twenty second rule.

Dr. Mark Goulston, author of Just Listen, recommends speaking for no more than twenty seconds at a time. Think of conversation as a traffic signal. In the first twenty seconds, you have a green light—the person you’re chatting with is engaged and enjoying the conversation. But if you go beyond twenty seconds, you’ve got a yellow light. Caution! You’re edging toward boring. At the forty second mark, you’ve officially become too chatty or self-absorbed—red light!

Small Talk Conversation Examples

Need some inspiration for your next small talk social challenge? The Muse put together forty-eight fun questions to consider asking. Need more small talk examples? Here are some scripts to help you get a better understanding of the process.

When the other person doesn’t have much to say

Be prepared to add some details from your own life before moving on to your next question to keep the conversation from sounding like an interrogation.

“Where are you from?”

“Boston.”

“Ah, I visited Boston a few years back. Great city! I wasn’t a big fan of driving there, though. Next time I’ll take cabs instead of renting a car. Did you like living there?”

“Yeah, it was great.”

“What do you miss most about it?”

When you want to deepen the conversation

Introverts tend to do better in conversations that go deeper than talking about the weather. Ask questions that will challenge the other person to give a thoughtful response.

“What do you do?”

“I’m a writer for the email marketing team.”

“Interesting! What sorts of things do you write?”

“I write some ad copy, but mostly I work on the company newsletter.”

“So, how did you become a writer? When did you discover your talent for words?”

When things get awkward

Sometimes conversations take a turn for the awkward. If that happens, acknowledge the awkward thing the other person said to let them know they’ve been heard, and then move on to another topic.

“Are you enjoying the party?”

“Not really. My girlfriend broke up with me earlier today.”

“Wow, break-ups are rough. I’m sorry to hear it. Have you lived in Los Angeles long?”

When you need to make an exit

It’s okay to bail if the conversation is going nowhere, just do it gracefully. Summarize the last thing the person said to you, then excuse yourself.

“It’s pretty amazing that you’ve trained your cats to reenact scenes from your favorite sci-fi movies. Sounds like you’ve found your niche. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go make a phone call. Enjoy the party!”

Homework: Go Be Interesting!

Making small talk doesn’t have to be anxiety-provoking or tedious. When you worry less about whether you’re being interesting and, instead, show an active interest in others, you become more likable. Think of social interactions not as performing but exploring.

Comma Before While

• Don’t use a comma before while when you mean “during the same time.”
• Do use a comma before while when you mean “whereas” or “although.”

When while is used as a conjunction, it has two meanings. One meaning is related to time. In the temporal sense, while describes something that is happening at the same time as something else. The other meaning of while indicates a contrast. In this sense, it means “whereas” or “although.”

No Comma With While Means “At the Same Time”

Don’t use a comma before while when you’re talking about two things happening at the same time.

I decided to take a nap under my desk while everyone else was in the meeting.

I decided to take a nap under my desk, while everyone else was in the meeting.

Let’s order the curtains while they’re still on sale.

Let’s order the curtains, while they’re still on sale.

Comma With While Means “Whereas” or “Although”

Use a comma before while in the middle of a sentence when you mean “whereas” or “although.”

I prefer chocolate cake, while my sister prefers key lime pie.

I prefer chocolate cake while my sister prefers key lime pie.

The price of eggs is rising, while the price of milk has stayed the same.

The price of eggs is rising while the price of milk has stayed the same.

While at the Beginning of a Sentence

When while is the first word of your sentence, you obviously shouldn’t add a comma in front of it. But if you’re using while to mean “whereas,” you still need to put a comma somewhere. Put it at the end of the clause that while introduces. The comma should go between the things that are happening at the same time.

While my sister prefers key lime pie, I prefer chocolate cake.

While the price of milk has stayed the same, the price of eggs is rising.

Let Your Love of Poetry Bloom: 3 Poems about Spring

It’s spring, a season of hope and renewal! Celebrate spring with these three poems about the beauty of the season.

“Flower God, God of the Spring” by Robert Louis Stevenson

Flower god, god of the spring, beautiful, bountiful,

Cold-dyed shield in the sky, lover of versicles,

Here I wander in April

Cold, grey-headed; and still to my

Heart, Spring comes with a bound, Spring the deliverer,

Spring, song-leader in woods, chorally resonant;

Spring, flower-planter in meadows,

Child-conductor in willowy

Fields deep dotted with bloom, daisies and crocuses:

Here that child from his heart drinks of eternity:

O child, happy are children!

She still smiles on their innocence,

She, dear mother in God, fostering violets,

Fills earth full of her scents, voices and violins:

Thus one cunning in music

Wakes old chords in the memory:

Thus fair earth in the Spring leads her performances.

One more touch of the bow, smell of the virginal

Green – one more, and my bosom

Feels new life with an ecstasy.

 

“O Were my Love yon Lilac Fair” by Robert Burns

O were my Love yon lilac fair,

Wi’ purple blossoms to the spring,

And I a bird to shelter there,

When wearied on my little wing;

How I wad mourn when it was torn

By autumn wild and winter rude!

But I wad sing on wanton wing When youthfu’ May its bloom renew’d.

 

O gin my Love were yon red rose

That grows upon the castle wa’,

And I mysel a drap o’ dew,

Into her bonnie breast to fa’;

O there, beyond expression blest,

I’d feast on beauty a’ the night;

Seal’d on her silk-saft faulds to rest,

Till fley’d awa’ by Phoebus’ light.

 

“More Than Enough by Marge Piercy”

The first lily of June opens its red mouth.

All over the sand road where we walk

multiflora rose climbs trees cascading

white or pink blossoms, simple, intense

the scene drifting like colored mist.

 

The arrowhead is spreading its creamy

clumps of flower and the blackberries

are blooming in the thickets. Season of

joy for the bee. The green will never

again be so green, so purely and lushly

 

new, grass lifting its wheaty seedheads

into the wind. Rich fresh wine

of June, we stagger into you smeared

with pollen, overcome as the turtle

laying her eggs in roadside sand.

Truly or Truely —Which Is Correct?

• Truly is the only acceptable way to spell the adverbial form of the adjective true.
• Truely is not an alternative spelling; it’s a common mistake.

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Some adjectives like nice, fine, and blue retain their final e when adding the adverb suffix -ly: nicely, finely, and bluely. With truly, this is not the case.

Is It Truly or Truely?

Although some monosyllabic adjectives ending with “e” retain it when they adopt the -ly suffix to become adverbs, true isn’t one of them. This might be the reason some people mistakenly think that truely is the way to spell the word. It’s not. Truly is the only accepted spelling:

We would truly like to see you back next summer.

You have to end your letters with “yours truely“.

It was a truly wonderful performance.

I truely made an effort to finish the essay on time.

That girl can truly sing like an angel.

This is not what we truely wanted for Christmas.

Examples

The study is crammed full with old books, scattered manuscripts and mysterious potions, and the beasts as well as their individual habitats themselves are truly impressive.

Variety

Most of the time, the parents mean well and truly want to help.

CNBC

First of all, you need to truly understand the amount of work that is required.

Forbes

Most of us make spelling mistakes from time to time. Some words seem to almost invite us to make mistakes. “Forty” and “fourty” are such a pair, “preferably” and “preferrably” are another, and there is always “foolproof” and “fullproof” to keep us on our toes.