What Are the Most Effective Communication Skills to Have?

The ability to communicate is a valuable asset. Good communicators make more money. Studies show that oral communication is one of the most important competencies for college grads entering the workforce. Successful entrepreneurs are more likely to be excellent communicators, and that’s no coincidence.

A family member of mine once had an amazing idea for a gadget. In fact, it was such a good idea that he worked on perfecting it until he was able to secure a U.S. patent. We were all convinced his invention was a winner. In fact, it seemed to have a lot of intriguing applications. What a goldmine!

But, as it turns out, the invention never reached its potential, and the inventor is not rich. Why? There are multiple reasons, but a large part of the problem was that he wasn’t able to communicate his idea to manufacturers effectively. No one seemed to understand why they should pick up this brilliant gadget and put it into production.

For contrast, let’s consider Michael Faraday, the nineteenth-century English scientist who discovered many of the fundamental laws of physics and chemistry. Although he had little formal education, he was a great communicator. He could simplify complex scientific explanations so that even a child could understand them. Between 1827 and 1860, Faraday gave a series of nineteen Christmas lectures for young people at the Royal Institution in London, a series which continues today. His efforts to communicate clearly made him one of the most influential voices in scientific history.

Communication matters. Here are a few of the most important communication skills to hone.

Listening

You might not think of listening as a communication skill, but it’s at the top of this list for a reason. Have you ever chatted with a person who rattled on and never gave you the chance to get a word in edgewise? That person might be a world class talker, but they’re certainly not a good communicator.

Listening to a person teaches us how to communicate with them. Their contributions to the conversation provide important insights and context. It’s a good rule of thumb to listen more than you talk. When you find common ground, speak up and share your own thoughts and stories. Just resist going on too long. If you want to be interesting to others, you have to be interested in them.

Don’t forget to ask clarifying questions. When someone offloads a lot of information at once, you might simply say “Okay, let me run this back to be sure I have it straight” and then reiterate what the speaker said. Repeating pertinent parts of a conversation shows that you were listening. It also helps you get things clear in your own head so you’re less likely to misunderstand or forget what was said. This skill is especially valuable when it comes to technical matters or instructions.

Clarity

Clarity is huge. It’s important—it prevents your listener from having to ask “Say what, now?” (And it’s critical in writing, where the reader can’t interrupt to ask for clarification.) Often, what we say makes sense in our own heads but we fail to consider that our listener doesn’t have the same context. Every time you use a pronoun like he, she, or they, make certain the listener knows who that pronoun refers to. Ditto for other nonspecific words like it and this.

I was hoping we could get a better handle on this.

This phrase might leave the listener asking, “Get a better handle on what?”

I was hoping we could get a better handle on pronoun reference rules.

The correct example gets specific, so we don’t have to ask what. That’s clarity in action. Use it in speaking and perfect it in writing and you’ll be far less likely to be misunderstood.

Openness

Have you ever encountered a person who kept their arms folded and didn’t make eye contact when you approached? That person may have simply been distracted or preoccupied, but odds are you read their body language as unfriendly and you didn’t make an effort to talk.

If you want to communicate, you have to look open to it. Uncross those arms! Make eye contact. Smile. Although I tend to be on the quiet side until I get to know a person, I became great friends with someone in a singing group I belong to all because he took a moment to shoot me a smile and a friendly nod, which made me feel he was someone I could approach and say hello to. You never know where a little openness might lead!

Empathy

One of my favorite fictional characters, Atticus Finch from Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird, said, “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view . . . until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.”

That’s what empathy is, and it’s essential to good communication. We all walk around in our own little worlds, but to make a connection with someone requires the ability to put yourself in that person’s place and try to understand their point of view. When you do that, the snippy sales clerk becomes a person who might be slogging through a difficult day, the bratty toddler in the next line becomes a tired and overstimulated child, and his wheedling parent becomes an exhausted mom at the end of her tether.

When you’re able to empathize, you can approach conversations calmly and rationally. You might wish the sales clerk a good day and offer the weary mom a smile, or even a helping hand, when everyone else is glaring daggers. Whether you’re at work, at home, or hanging out with friends, empathy skills can help you defuse emotionally charged situations.

Energy

Think of some of your favorite people to talk with. Odds are, they’re usually upbeat and full of life. We’re naturally drawn to people who lift our moods. If you’re capable of it, try to be just a little more energetic than the person you’re speaking with. It’s possible to show enthusiasm for a topic even if it happens to be difficult. Be engaged. Lean in. Listen intently. We naturally like people who can elevate a conversation rather than bring it down.

Communicating effectively doesn’t come naturally to everyone. Some of us have to work at it. And working at it means being conscious of the things we can do to improve. Communication didn’t come naturally to Michael Faraday—he took notes and observed other lecturers and worked hard to improve. But he proved that developing good communication skills enables a person’s intelligence and ideas to shine through. It’s worth the effort.

5 Tips for Writing an Amazing Thank-you Card

If you want to let someone know how much you appreciate what they’ve done for you or what they’ve given you, the classic way—writing a thank-you card—is still the best, the classiest, and the most appreciated way of expressing gratitude. Lest you forget this, there’s always National Card Reading Day to remind us how fulfilling it is to receive a thank-you card, and how respectful it is to send them. If you’ve never written a thank-you card before, don’t worry—it’s easy to write a great one if you follow the steps below.

Set Aside the Time

Sometimes you might need to write more than one thank-you card. After a wedding, for example, it’s a good idea to send thank-you cards to people who attended or sent gifts. But even if the number of thank-you cards you need to write is relatively small, always set aside enough time to write them. Writing thank-you cards shouldn’t be rushed, and you don’t want to make mistakes in your cards. Consider drafting your messages on scratch paper or your computer first and then copying them into the cards themselves.

Make It Personal

A thank-you card says that you took the time to choose the card, compose the message, write it down, and send it. But if you were to print out your thank-you cards, it would completely ruin the personal touch. That’s why thank-you cards should always be handwritten. Not only that, but they should be handwritten in your nicest writing because there’s no use in writing a thank-you card that the recipient won’t be able to read.

Be Polite

Thank-you cards need to be polite. Don’t start with “Hey You,” even if that’s how you would greet the person on the street. Thank-you cards are a classy way of showing your appreciation for someone’s effort and goodwill, and if you’re going to do it, do it right. Start with “Dear…,” and end with “Sincerely,” or “Yours truly.”

Be Thankful

Being thankful in thank-you cards is more than just a statement, and it should be expressed in more than one sentence. The first sentence of the card should say what you’re thankful for. After that, mention how you are using the thing you’re thankful for or how it has helped you. It’s also a good idea to include a reference to the next time you might see the person you’re writing to, and to state once more that you’re thankful.

Be Pleasant, but Don’t Exaggerate

No matter how thankful you might be, resist the temptation to exaggerate. For example, if you’re writing a thank-you note for a painting you got as a present, saying that it changed the way you think about art might be an exaggeration. On the other hand, saying that you’ve already found a nice place for it on a living room wall demonstrates exactly the right amount of pleasantness expected from a thank-you card.

Monday Motivation Hack: Make the Hard Choice

Whether you’re a decisive taskmaster or someone who struggles to choose what to eat for breakfast, you will eventually have a decision that stumps you. Sometimes, these are big life choices like taking that job, choosing that partner, or moving to that new city. Other times, seemingly small decisions like which font you should use in your presentation can trip you up.

Never fear, future decision-makers! There are several hacks to help with decision-making, but let’s start with the most basic element of a decision—your baseline. In other words, what measuring stick do you consistently use to make decisions? How do you measure yourself?

Finding an “Anchor” for Your Decision-Making Process

Let’s say you had to decide whether you would get a new car. You do your research, find a car you think is cool, and purchase that car. The next day, one of your friends posts a picture of their expensive, flashy car on Facebook. How would you feel?

The Self-Comparison Trap

If that made you feel uncomfortable, you may fall prey to the classic trap of comparing your decisions to those of others. This is an example of what motivation experts call an “anchor”: the baseline you use to make decisions. Common examples of “anchors” are colleagues at work, family members, classmates, friends, and even people you don’t know but look up to.

If you compare yourself to others when making decisions, you’re not alone. In fact, many psychologists have theorized that social media has only made this problem worse. Whether Facebook or good old-fashioned bragging is to blame, it’s clear from the number of searches for “compare yourself” that this anchor isn’t going away anytime soon:

In a world where we’re constantly benchmarking ourselves against one another, how do we make good decisions?

Anchors Away! Changing Your Baseline

The answer to this comparison conundrum is easy: you need to change the anchor you use to make decisions. Instead of comparing your professional success, personal goal completion, and self-image to others, you can use yourself as a baseline. Once you stop making “social” comparisons and begin using your past performance as the anchor for future decisions, you’ll find decision-making becomes much easier and less fraught with stress.

There are a number of techniques to make yourself your decision-making baseline, but it all starts with questioning how you measure a successful decision. Do you compare yourself to others, or do you focus on your past decisions and use those to inform future ones?

What do you think about comparing yourself to others? Tell us in the comments below!

3 Books to Read with Your BFF

Reading is often a solitary experience. But good books can bring people together in surprising and meaningful ways. Here are three books we think would be great to read with a close friend, or someone with whom you might want to become close friends:

The Anne of Green Gables series by Lucy Maud Montgomery

The friendship between Diana Barry and Anne Shirley in the Anne of Green Gables series is famous for providing us with the term “bosom friend.” Anne and Diana are friends through thick and thin, stirring up mischief and helping each other through life’s struggles in equal measure. Read this book with: your “bosom friend” and reflect on what makes your relationship so special.

The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien

Nothing solidifies friendships quite like an epic adventure. Follow this group of friends and allies as they battle trolls, giant birds, and other surprising foes in their search for hidden treasure. Read this book with: a friend who is always up for adventure.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

When you’re a teenager, parents just don’t seem understand what’s important. But your friends do. Follow along as Charlie learns what it means to be a true friend. Read this book with: your BFF from high school.

Which books do you think friends (or book groups) should read together? Share your suggestions in the comments!

Brand Imposters: 7 Funniest Misspelled Product Knock-Offs

One of the best things about language is its malleability. You can switch around a few letters, relocate a comma, or replace a pronoun, and you’ve suddenly changed the meaning of a sentence. The same principle applies to product logos. A small change can make a big — and hilarious — difference. Here is a short list of some side-splittingly funny product knock-offs from around the world.

Sunbucks Coffee

Realistically, the name Sunbucks makes more sense for a coffee shop than Starbucks, right? After all, more people drink coffee in the morning than they do at night. Sunbucks in China serves up coffee under a logo like Starbucks, but instead of the goddess Siren as their logo, they use a crazy-looking dog.

As if Sunbucks isn’t enough, Bucksstar is another Starbucks knock-off in the Middle Kingdom.

KicKer Candy Bars

“Give me a break. Break me off a piece of that KicKer bar.” KicKer bars are basically KitKats; they’re chocolately deliciousness draped over thin, crispy wafers. Of course, the name “KicKer” might make the candy sound more like a punishment — or a cocktail — than a sugary treat, but, hey, why not just go with it?

Arm and Hatchet Baking Soda

You can use baking soda for all sorts of things; use it to clean your house, do your laundry, or brighten up your smile. Sure, you could go with the classic Arm and Hammer baking soda, but Arm and Hatchet sounds a little more powerful, doesn’t it? The products are the same, but the labels and the pictures are different. Arm and Hatchet’s logo features —you guessed it—a hand holding a small axe instead of a hammer.

ABCIDS Athletic Wear

Adidas is an icon in the sports world, so it makes sense that someone would try to capitalize on the brand’s popularity by creating products with a similar image and font but with a different brand name. Some claim that “ADIDAS” is an acronym for “All day I dream about sports.” ABCIDS, however, well…it kind of sounds like some sort of alphabet disease.

WuMart: The Wal-Mart of China

There’s no shortage of bargains in China, and you’ll find plenty of good prices at WuMart. It is the same sort of business as Wal-Mart; a range of items at low prices. However, the company logos are different. WuMart has more red and they don’t use a star. Their stores’ signs include an English translation that calls WuMart a hypermarket, whatever that is. What does the “Wu” in WuMart mean? The character they use literally means “object,” “thing,” or “matter.” Seems reasonable, right?

Goojje.com — Who Needs Google, Anyway?

The only way to use Google in China is via a VPN. Naturally, the solution is to create a knock-off version of Google known as Goojje. Sure, the scope of Goojje’s services don’t really compare to the company that served as the inspiration behind the copy, but you have to give Goojje’s creators credit for seeking to fill a consumer want.

S&M’s Chocolate Candies

While this product might sound like something that belongs in “Fifty Shades of Grey,” S&M’s are actually just a knock-off of good old M&M’s. Hopefully they taste better than their ill-thought-out name implies. Maybe they’re the perfect treat for date night!

Funny phrases and intentional misspellings make for some of the most laughable products out there. While you might never visit a WuMart or wake up with Sunbucks coffee, it is still amusing to know that shameless imitation is around to keep the entrepreneurial spirit alive. What are some of your favorite, funny product knock-offs?

Benefited or Benefitted—Which Is Right?

• Benefited and benefitted are both acceptable spellings.
• Benefited is more common in the United States.

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When you make a verb past tense, sometimes all you have to do is add -ed. Other times, you double the final consonant before adding it. What about the verb benefit? Is the past tense benefited or benefitted?

Benefited vs. Benefitted

The quick answer is that both of them are acceptable. However, you might wonder why the double T version exists in the first place. What’s the rule for doubling the final consonant for the simple past? For regular verbs, you double the last consonant when a one-syllable verb ends in a consonant-vowel-consonant pattern. If a verb has more than one syllable, you double the last consonant if it is in a stressed syllable. Does benefit fit the rule?

Is the ending in a consonant-vowel-consonant pattern? Yes, F-I-T are the last three letters. Is the verb one syllable? No, benefit is three syllables. So now, you would only double the last consonant if it’s stressed. Is it stressed? That answer is not so cut-and-dried. Benefit sounds a little different in British and American English. Some say that the final F-I-T is unstresssed in American English. By that criterion, you can write the past tense of benefit as benefited. In the United States, this is the most common way to spell it.

Why would anyone spell benefitted with a double T? Well, even native English speakers might not know all the rules that govern the language. Another verb, fit, does double the T in the past tense because it is one syllable. So it’s easy to see why people might think benefit is like fit in the past tense. Others say the final syllable of benefit receives a secondary stress, so perhaps that’s reason enough to apply the stressed last syllable rule.

Examples

Would you like to see benefited and benefitted in context? Let’s look at some examples from books and online. Which way of writing it seems right to you?

Four situations were measured: when lying benefitted both people, when lying benefitted only the partner, when lying benefitted only the participant, and when lying hurt them both.

Bustle.com

With plentiful oil and gas reserves, one would hope Alberta benefitted from the rise in energy prices, just as Hawaii should benefit from warm weather that fosters its tourism industry.

CalgaryHerald.com

I count as blessings things I could have benefited from, even if I neglected to utilize them. A gift is still a gift, even if left wrapped and unopened.”

Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

Consumer spending also clearly benefited from the weakened pound encouraging spending by overseas visitors to the UK.

Independent

If you are in favor of spelling the past tense of benefit with one T, you are part of the majority in the United States. However, if you think that the final T should be doubled, you are definitely not alone. You can spell it either way, but be prepared; your choice might result in a friendly debate!