7 Practical Tips on How to Start a Conversation

You’re probably not as good at starting conversations as you think you are.

And if, after reading that statement, you’re thinking Nuh-uh! I rock at starting conversations! there’s an even better chance you need the advice in this article.

Last night, I went to a blues concert with my friend. After the concert, we bumped into two of his acquaintances. The first, Mindy, approached us and said hello, but then stood there passively waiting for someone else to say something. The second, Lisa, fluttered in like leaves in a windstorm and babbled incessantly about herself for twenty minutes until we made an excuse to leave.

Neither person in that scenario was good at starting, much less maintaining, an interesting conversation. I’ll bet you’ve had similar experiences, ranging from the person who stands there waiting for you to take the lead to the one who starts talking and won’t shut up.

The trick to engaging in an interesting conversation is simple—stop trying to be interesting. Instead, be interested in the other person. Here are seven ways to start a conversation that won’t leave the other party burdened with having to take the lead or struggling to find a way to extricate themselves.

1 Note that you’re “in this together.”

When circumstances aren’t ideal, acknowledging a shared experience can soften the edge and get a conversation going. It’s likely you use this approach all the time without realizing it. At the grocery store, you comment to the person in front of you that the lines always seem to be longest when you’re on your lunch break. From there, a brief conversation flows naturally.

The same technique works when the stakes are higher, too—networking at a party, for instance, where everybody’s a little anxious about making a good impression.

“These parties are always so awkward, aren’t they? Everybody’s supposed to network—no pressure!”

Be careful using this technique. Do your best to remain neutral. A comment like “These networking events are such a bore!” could end up working against you if it turns out the person you’re talking to planned the event or is friends with the person who did.

2 Notice something nice.

The opposite of the “we’re in this together” conversation starter is noticing something pleasant. A positive approach can get a conversation off to the right start. We tend to like upbeat people who draw our attention to good things.

“That was a productive meeting! I feel like we generated some solid ideas.”

“Did you go to the social media workshop? It was great!”

3 Pay a compliment.

This technique can be a great ice-breaker. Who doesn’t like hearing a sincere compliment? You don’t have to fawn over the other party to make an impact, either—succeeding is as simple as noticing something you like and mentioning it.

“That’s a nice shirt. The color looks good on you!”

“You did an awesome job with the presentation. I like how you laid everything out so it was easy to understand.”

One caveat—with the possible exception of hairstyles, don’t comment on physical things. Complimenting a new haircut is one thing, but saying “You have such clear skin” is taking a hard detour into creepy territory.

4 Ask an opinion.

We all want to feel like our opinions matter. Asking for someone’s opinion shows that you’re interested in them and their thoughts.

“What did you think of the keynote presentation?”

“I was thinking of going to the next session of this workshop. Would you recommend it?”

Stick to topics that are immediately relevant. It’s a little weird to walk up to someone and ask, “So, what do you think of the current U.S. political climate?” Not to mention the fact that you may not want to go down that particular rabbit hole with a stranger.

5 Offer help.

There’s no better way to show that you’re a nice, approachable person than to be helpful. If you find yourself in a situation where you can lend a hand, go ahead and do it.

“You seem a little lost. Can I help you find something?”

“Looks like you have a lot to carry. Do you need a hand?”

6 Look for common ground.

This one’s easiest if you know you’re at a function where everyone’s likely to have a similar background. When you bring up what you have in common, you make an instant connection that will lead to more things to talk about.

“When did you attend school here?”

“How long have you been in the marketing business?

7 Ask for help or information.

Much like asking an opinion, asking for a little help or guidance can be a great way to make someone feel useful. Just make sure whatever you’re asking for is something the other party will be able to offer without putting themselves out.

“Do you know where I could pick up a workshop schedule?”

“Do you know if this hotel has an airport shuttle?”

Excellent! Now that you’ve got the conversation started, follow the rules of small talk 101 to keep it flowing for a while. Just remember to be interested in the other person, find common ground, and ask follow-up questions.

But please don’t do what chatty Lisa did and make assumptions. Last night, when my friend managed to get a word in edgewise, he mentioned that he knew Mindy through the psychology program at a local university. The one follow-up question Lisa chose to ask was, “Oh, so was your rehab successful?”

He’d done his internship there.

How to Use Assure vs. Ensure vs. Insure

• To assure someone is to remove someone’s doubts.
• To ensure something is to make sure it happens—to guarantee it.
• To insure something or someone is to cover it with an insurance policy.

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Some sources note that people use assure, ensure, and insure interchangeably. All three verbs have something to do with “making sure” and are therefore similar, but each of them has a distinct meaning that makes it better suited for some uses than the other two. So they might not be an interchangeable trio so much as they are simply commonly confused words.

What Does Assure Mean?

Assure is something you would do to a person or an animal. These beings can have doubts or insecurities you can remove by assuring them, by giving them assurance:

I assure you, we will get to the play on time.

Tom locked the door, assuring Tim that their dog wouldn’t be able to wander out during the night.

In the United Kingdom and other countries of the Commonwealth, the word assurance can also refer to a particular type of insurance:

I’m thinking about taking out a life assurance policy.

What Does Ensure Mean?

When you ensure something, you’re making sure it is going to happen:

I need to study more to ensure I get a passing grade.

He scored thirty-five points last night, ensuring that his team will have a place in the finals.

What Does Insure Mean?

To insure something or someone is to cover it with an insurance policy, a kind of agreement that states that if something happens to someone or something that’s insured, the insurance company will provide compensation:

I don’t want to insure my car, but the law says I have to.

The insurance company said they won’t insure our house against floods.

Examples

Sportswear manufacturer BLK’s receivers have moved to assure the company’s customers it will be “business as usual” amid uncertainty among professional sporting outfits.

The Sydney Morning Herald

Beyond the numbers, California’s electric vehicles policies are leading the way by ensuring that low-income communities benefit from zero tailpipe emissions.

The Sacramento Bee

This means drivers, now typically paying around £50 a year to the Treasury when they insure their car, will see it rise to above £60.

The Guardian

Talk to vs. Talk with–Which Should I Use?

• Talk to and talk with both mean to converse with someone.
• In almost all cases, talk to and talk with can be used interchangeably.

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If you are having a conversation, are you talking to or talking with someone? Is talking to someone different from talking with someone? Let’s settle the issue.

When to use Talk To

Some feel that talk to should be used only for one-sided conversations—when a television host addresses the viewers, perhaps, or when a boss reprimands an employee. However, imagine that someone asks to talk to you. Would you remain completely silent, assuming that in the request was an implicit expectation for you not to respond? Probably not, because in everyday conversation, talk to is understood to mean “converse with someone.”

The employee became curious when her boss asked to talk to her in the conference room.

My wife hates when I interrupt as she talks to me.

When to use Talk With

Some people also feel that talk with should be reserved for discussions between two or more participants. Unlike the expression talk to, an interchange is implicit in the understanding of the preposition with. However, it’s rarely necessary to make such a strict distinction.

The toddler often talks with her teddy bears about her day.

Brent asked if he could talk withthe celebrity about his recent film.

Examples

To make America’s roads safer, cars should constantly talk to each other over a wireless car-to-car network rather than just relying on drivers to see what others are doing.

CNN

Now, scientists have discovered that the stunning creatures do this when they want to ‘talk’ to their fellow whales.

Daily Mail

CHI Health cardiologist Michael Delcore will talk with guests about the signs of a heart attack and when to call 911.

GO

Yesterday afternoon, I had the privilege to talk with Adams about his reaction when he heard about being traded, who were some of his favorite pitchers growing up, his pitch arsenal, and you will hear about some of the toughest hitters he has faced during his college and professional career.

District On Deck

Not-So-Sweet 16: Boss CC Sneak Attack vs. Over-Forwarding

Welcome back to the Not-So-Sweet 16! Today, we have two powerhouse email competitors that vie for the enviable title of “most annoying email habit.” Which do you think is worse, sneaky CCs or mass forwards?

Boss CC Sneak Attack:

Occasionally, there is a reason to CC your manager on an email about a project or issue you’re working on. This is not one of those times. The “sneak attack” occurs when someone adds your boss to a thread in order to intimidate you or encourage a specific outcome. Not cool.

Over-Forwarding:

We all know the panic of opening your email and seeing a message with a subject that reads “Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Action Items.” Passing the buck, whether in-person or over email, is never fun, and somehow over-forwarding makes an already uncomfortable situation worse.

7 Things You Write Every Day That You Probably Forgot About

In some ways, everyone is a writer. Have you thought about how much writing you do in one day? Don’t overlook these seven daily writing tasks!

Emails

According to Lifewire.com, people around the world send more than two billion emails per day. That’s 2.4 million emails every second! The format of some emails closely resembles that of physical letters. For example, business emails contain the salutation, body, and closing that you would find in a business letter. Other emails are like articles or bulletins, providing news and information. How do you use email?

Instant Messages

Even if you are reminding your husband to pick up some mustard on his way home from work, an instant message counts as writing! Some people don’t mind writing out whole phrases. Others try to keep messages as short as possible. IMs (instant messages) often contain slang, abbreviations, and shorthand. For example, ROFL means “rolling on the floor laughing.” Can you guess what LMK means?

Lists

Lists are also writing exercises. One of the most common types is the grocery list, which enumerates all the things someone needs to buy at the store. However, people make lists for all kinds of reasons. A to-do list details what someone plans to accomplish in a given period of time. If you are moving, you may make an inventory, a list of all the items included in an individual box. This article itself is a listicle, an article that provides brief explanations of topics in a list form. Lists are all around you if you look. Can you think of some other types of lists?

Forms

A trip to the bank or the driver’s license bureau may involve some writing. You might have to fill out forms with account details to receive service. If you are applying for a job, you may even have to include some short answer responses to questions.

Journaling

Writing doesn’t have to be for the public. Do you sometimes record your daily affairs in a journal or private blog? Most people already know that journaling improves mental health, but did you realize it can also be good for your body? James Pennebaker, a researcher at the University of Texas at Austin has found that journaling strengthens the immune system and decreases the severity of asthma and rheumatoid arthritis. How’s that for motivation to pick up your journal tonight?

Agendas

When you jot down the time and date of an appointment in a datebook, accurate writing is more important than ever. One mistake could cost you, so this form of writing needs your full attention. Putting things down in writing does more than help you remember them. Seeing all your appointments and due dates in one place can help you to manage your time wisely and avoid scheduling conflicts.

Captions

When you post a picture to social media, do you provide a little explanation of what it is? Often, these descriptions are informative or amusing ways to share your memories. If you haven’t tried adding a caption, visit the Frequently Asked Questions section of your social media site to find out how.

Now, do you agree? Everyone is a writer! Surely, though, this list is not exhaustive. What other ways do you use writing every day?