12 Mental Habits That Will Derail Your Goals

It feels the same every year: you set some goals for yourself, the year starts with the best of intentions, but then it’s October and you are looking at a partially completed goal and feeling pretty frustrated with yourself. It happens to everyone—literally. But not everyone struggles all the time. Here are twelve ways that your mind is sabotaging your goals and some approaches to getting your head right.

1 Lacking clarity on values and priorities

You have a goal or two (or five) in mind for the next year or so, but you’ve only really made progress on one of them. This happens when you lack priorities. Over time, you tend to do what’s easiest or quickest and neglect goals that are more complicated and require more effort. You can avoid this by simply prioritizing your goals.

How to Overcome It Basically, figure out what really matters to you and organize your goals accordingly. TED has a great playlist to help you put everything in perspective. Then, when you start to document the values and priorities that will guide your time management, remember to keep your list simple.

Not sure what kinds of priorities and values to pick? MindTools will talk you through selecting your values, and James Clear has a good list of values to get you started. He recommends picking no more than five.

2 Being a Perfectionist

People throw away what they could have by insisting on perfection, which they cannot have, and looking for it where they will never find it. —Edith Schaeffer

Have you ever caught yourself thinking: “If it can’t be done right, don’t do it at all”? Or the more intense version—“If I can’t do it perfectly, why do it?” This is the nirvana fallacy, and it stops us from achieving our potential because it discourages us from making even make small improvements. Charly Haversat, a recovering perfectionist and former professional athlete, discusses the damage perfectionism does to our productivity and how we can try a different approach: the pursuit of good enough.

How to Overcome It There are a few ways to stop perfectionism.

• Lifehack has a great article on how to get to “good enough.”
• Let go of the fixed mindset that locks you into to an all-or-nothing situation and embrace growth. You can read more about the fixed mindset and its opposite, the growth mindset, in Carol Dweck’s book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success.
• Deeply entrenched perfectionism and control are signs of anxiety, a mental illness. AnxietyBC has put together a great step-by-step guide to help cope.

3 Isolating Yourself

Taking some time for yourself to focus is one thing, but cutting yourself off from people to “avoid distraction” or “be more disciplined” is another. Very, very few people have brains that allow them to function best in isolation. Odds are that your mind will do better if you talk to people and share your ideas. Not only will you boost creativity, but you’ll give your noggin a rest from intense work.

How to Overcome It If you don’t have friends you can discuss your idea or goals with, consider finding a specialized group for your interest. MeetUp is a great way to find niche groups of people on similar journeys in everything from training for a marathon, writing a book, or building a mobile app. If there are no good MeetUps in your area, consider finding a forum or starting your own blog.

4 Not Building Your Self Confidence

If you’re your own worst critic, you might be struggling with perfectionism (see above) and a distorted sense of your own value. However, research points to one reality: what we believe is true matters. If you believe you can, your performance improves significantly. If you believe you can’t, your performance suffers. If you’re feeling a little unsure of yourself, spend some time building up your confidence.

How to Overcome It

• Take some time to regularly invest in your confidence. This TED playlist can help.
• Before you start a difficult task, jot down a few times when you felt competent and successful. It’ll get your mind in the right place for success with the new task. Having trouble? Ask a loved one or friend to tell you what you’re good at.
• Use it or lose it! Test your confidence and focus on wins when possible. Forbes discusses how to build confidence here.
• Looking for more? TIME Magazine put together a research-backed list for building your confidence.

5 Thinking Too Big—Too Often

In western culture, we have loads of axioms that encourage us to “shoot for the stars” or “think big.” There is even a push in business to pursue “big, hairy, audacious, goals” or BHAGs for short. These are well-intentioned ways to encourage us to push ourselves, and they often work in getting us out of our comfort zones; however, focusing too much on the immensity of the problem or task can be paralyzing—especially if coupled with self-doubt or perfectionism.

How to Overcome It There are two keys to dealing with a big, hairy goal. Make sure your goal is SMART, then break it down into smaller, manageable bits over a smaller, manageable timeline. Hannah Braime of the blog Becoming Who You Are outlines a step-by-step plan for tackling goals.

6 Trying to Multitask

The science is pretty conclusive—multitasking is bad for you. What you’re doing is not actually multitasking but “task switching.” The habit slows cognitive processing, decreases efficiency, lowers IQ during task completion, and increases production of the stress hormone cortisol. Though multitasking may feel good (completing small tasks rewards your brain with dopamine), it’s not a winning long-term strategy.

How to Overcome It In addition to scheduling time for checking emails, texts, etc., it can also be helpful to try out some time trackers to help you focus your time. Toggl is a popular free time tracker. If you don’t want the hassle of setting up projects to categorize your time, try the Pomodoro Timer and just commit yourself to only working on one task during a given cycle.

7 Responding Inappropriately to Criticism

Criticism, even when it’s constructive, can be hard to cope with, particularly if the criticism gets to the heart of what you are trying to do. However, if you find yourself getting too emotionally involved with criticism, it can stunt your confidence and potentially ruin your progress toward your goal.

How to Overcome It The first step to dealing with criticism is understanding what kind of criticism it is. There are three types of criticism:

• Friendly criticism, or constructive criticism, is usually delivered with good intent and is tactful, so you can clearly see room for improvement.
• Unfriendly criticism is well intentioned but poorly communicated.
• Malicious or false criticism is delivered with the intention of inflicting hurt rather than creating an opportunity for development.

Once you understand the kind of criticism you’re dealing with, you can practice techniques to processr it correctly, including, among others, focusing on the suggestion and not the tone, not taking it personally, and smiling.

8 Trying to Plan It All in Your Head

If you’re trying to plan a goal completely in your head, you’re gonna have a bad time. You’ll forget things, have a much harder time staying on schedule, and struggle to focus.

How to Overcome It Get it out of your head. Whether on paper or digitally, dump all your ideas, goals, and timelines somewhere else. There are several planning techniques that can be used for any number of different goals or projects, but the most basic and often most helpful is the simple to do list. If you’re not sure what kind of list you need, take our quiz.

9 Getting Distracted

If you are constantly finding yourself checking social media, email, or texts, you are letting your focus slip and using these little tasks to procrastinate. Some research has shown that it can take up to twenty-three minutes for you to recover your focus after a distraction!

How to Overcome It Some of the most common techniques for reducing distractions are to

• schedule “distraction time”
• batch and do small tasks last
• remove yourself from the distraction

In addition to making a few habit changes, you can also get technology on your side to fight distraction. There are several tools for your computer and browsers that will help you manage the amount of time you spend on time-sink pages like Facebook.

10 Having an All-or-Nothing Approach

An all-or-nothing approach is damaging not only because it sets you up for perfectionism but also because you lose the ability to appreciate the progress you make along the way.

How to Overcome It The key here is to focus on what you are able to achieve. On a daily basis, this can be as simple as keeping a “done” list—literally a list where you write down everything you accomplish, even if it wasn’t on your original to-do list. For bigger projects, this can be harder, but try to plan regular check-ins to assess your progress. If you’re prone to all-or-nothing thinking, it’s important that you try to focus on what you have been able to accomplish overall and not just what you have not accomplished.

11 Rushing

You’ve got a new idea. It’s exciting, and you want to start, like, yesterday. That passion and energy is terrific. Use it, but make sure you don’t put off necessary planning and research. And definitely don’t try to do an inhuman amount of work in a human amount of time. A bit of planning and balance, even fresh out of the gate, can save you from burning out or even putting too many eggs in one basket.

How to Overcome It Invest some of your creative energy in helpful ways. Conversations about your ideas with trusted friends can help you keep things in perspective. To help preserve balance, Dr. Charles Sophy recommends monitoring a life-checklist, S.W.E.E.P.—Sleep, Work, Eating, Emotional expression of self, and Play.

12 Not Sleeping On It

If you have a big project or a big decision, it might not help to dive in before a good night’s rest. The fact is that your brain needs sleep to dispose of its waste properly. Going without sleep can severely impact judgement and work quality, while good sleep can keep your brain clear and healthy while also helping drive success.

How to Overcome It Unfortunately, for many it’s difficult to get enough rest. In addition to simply blocking off enough time for sleep, there are a number of lifestyle habits that can help you easily improve your sleep.

• Turn off electronics and television at least one hour before bed. Set an alarm to remind yourself—or use iOS’s new bedtime feature.
• Keep away from blue light after dark. A tool like f.lux automatically adjusts color settings on your computer so the light is better for your eyes—and brain.
• Spend at least twenty minutes under natural daylight every day.
• Exercise more.
• Reduce or eliminate caffeine and stimulant intake after lunch.

In the end, we all have our own unique obstacles that keep us from completing our goals. By identifying which of the above habits you are prone to and trying to incorporate fixes into your planning, it may be possible to make greater progress on your goals.

What other mental habits can keep you from achieving your goals? How do you overcome them?

10 Kids’ Grammar and Pronunciation Mistakes Too Cute to Correct

By Laura Wallis for The Stir by CafeMom

All parents have mental lists of this stuff—their kids’ hilarious mispronunciations and malapropisms that were so darn cute they couldn’t bear to set them straight. We polled a bunch of parents for some of their favorite examples.

By the way, this is what baby books were made for: Enjoy the quirks and write them down before you forget. (Or, even better, make some audio recordings!) There’s plenty of time for corrections later.

Ready for School

When she started preschool, my daughter was delighted to pick out her very own “pack-pack.” She called it that all the way into first grade, when she realized her mistake and quietly made the switch to “backpack.” It was a sad day for Mom.

The Rare Mistake

I could never correct [my son] when he said “effalent” instead of elephant, back when he was two and otherwise talked like a professor.

Math Problem

My friend’s daughter, on a math assignment, wrote something along the lines of “Tom has more penis than Larry.” (Instead of pennies.) Best spelling fail ever!

And Speaking of Private Parts…

My three-year-old (who has a new baby brother whose privates she calls his “peanut”) is telling everyone she went to see The Penis Movie with Daddy this weekend.

Girl Parts Cause Even More Confusion

[My son] used to say “spacheea” instead of “vagina.” He now knows better and refers to it as “bagina.”

Celebrity Upgrade

[My nine-year-old] recently referred to Notorious BIG as Nostradamus BIG.

It’s Catching On

[My son] still says ri-dic-leous, so much so that I can’t pronounce it right anymore.

Weather Report

When it was foggy, he would say, “Look outside! It’s all dusty!”

The “Are”s Have It

He doesn’t know “do/did/etc.,” are words. He uses “are” instead. “Are you have a toy?” “Are you have a good day?”

People by Any Other Name…

They add “-ers” to words in order to describe employees of various establishments. Someone at a nail salon is a “nail placer.” Someone at a dance studio is a “dance studio-er.” Both aspire to be nail placers one day. At least we’ll save on college.

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Laura Wallis is a freelance writer and editor specializing in all things family, home, food, and health. She currently lives in New Jersey with her husband, two children, and dog—none of whom take grammar as seriously as they should. She writes for The Stir by CafeMom.

5 Strategies to Improve Your Business Writing

Guest post by Greg Fowler 

Even if your career isn’t focused on writing, the ability to write well can strongly influence your business opportunities. A poorly-executed email, or a resume filled with mistakes, can damage your reputation. To advance your career and impress your boss, develop your writing skills by employing the following five strategies.

Keep Your Writing Concise Brevity is important. An editor once told me that if there’s a way to say something with two words instead of three, do it. People want the information they’re seeking instantaneously, without having to wade through fluff. For instance, you can almost always remove the word “that” from sentences, and instead of saying “in order to,” saying “to” is sufficient.

There’s a distinction between brevity and content length. If the topic you’re covering is broad, there’s nothing wrong with banging out a 1,500 word piece as long as every word provides value to the reader.

Focus on Timely Content If you write about healthcare, focus your content on recent news to help generate more buzz and improve your results. For instance, you could focus on recent Affordable Care Act updates.

Are veterans your niche? Work recent VA problems into your next article, or provide information on new updates to veteran benefits. The more you can tailor your content to run in lockstep with current events, the better off you’ll be.

Be Accurate The Internet is filled with misinformation. I’ve often told friends I can get the Internet to say just about anything I want it to. When doing research, look for the latest statistics, and only pull quotes from reliable sources. Google Scholar is a great resource for searching recent studies, and you can also search for data from government or educational websites by adding “site:.gov” or “site:.edu” in front of your Google search term.

Inject Humor When Appropriate When it’s appropriate, go ahead and show your sense of humor in your writing. By injecting your voice and point of view into your writing, readers are more likely to form an attachment to you and your content. Just be careful – not everyone has the same sense of humor – think carefully about what you’re saying and how you’re saying it. If there’s a chance it could be misinterpreted, think it through before you put it out there.

Offer Extra Details Generic content is a dime a dozen. If you want to bore your readers to tears, offer the same information they can find anywhere else.  But if you want to catch your readers’ attention and keep them coming back, offer details and tips they can’t find anywhere else. Provide personal examples, add quotes from experts, and offer images that tell the story – these are the types of details that set good content apart from bad content.

It’s one thing to develop high-quality content, but it’s another to write it well. Spelling “effectively” correctly is only worthwhile if you also use it correctly. Spell checkers and basic grammar programs aren’t 100% accurate. If your grammar is rusty, consider trying Grammarly. The program corrects more than 250 grammatical mistakes, many of which aren’t caught by other services. There’s a free trial available, and paid plans start at $29.95 per month.

Do you regularly use business writing? How have you improved the content you develop?

About the Author

Greg Fowler writes about small business, blogging and writing, and online marketing. He lives in Atlanta with his young son and is always looking for new tools to explore and help improve his productivity.

Apologise or Apologize?

• Apologize is the standard American English spelling.
• Apologise is the standard British English spelling.

Wouldn’t it be embarrassing to have a spelling error in a letter of apology? And it’s even more cringe-worthy if the word you spell wrong is one of the key elements of your message! So before you say you’re sorry, find out whether apologize or apologise is the right word.

To understand the issue better, let’s break down apology into its parts. According to Dictionary.com, the prefix apo- comes to English via Greek, where it appeared with nouns that “denote a response or defense.” The -logy suffix comes from the Greek logos, meaning “speech.”

The Meaning of Suffixes -ize and -ise

When you add -ize, it means “to cause to become like something.” It can also mean to treat like a certain thing or to talk or refer to someone or something in a specific way. For example, to alphabetize is to cause a list of words to become like the alphabet—i.e., in ABC order. Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary defines -ise as -ize with the same set of definitions. Therefore, apologize and apologise mean the same thing. The difference between the two words isn’t in the definition. So, what is the difference?

The Real Difference between Apologize and Apologise

The real difference between the two terms is about 4,200 miles. Well, the United States (where apologize is the most common spelling) is about that far from the United Kingdom (where apologise is the most prevalent spelling.) British English often favors an -ise ending where American English uses -ize. To find out why, check out this article about realize versus realise.

Other British and American Spelling Differences

Honour vs. Honor Queue vs. Cue Learned vs. Learnt Judgement vs. Judgment Spelled vs. Spelt

Apologize and Apologise in Print

Here are some examples of these two words from books. Can you guess the nationality of the writer based on how they spell the term under discussion? The answers are below the quotes.

1. When a lady condescends to apologise, there is no keeping one’s anger.

2. Reflect on your relationship and apologize.

3. I apologise if you all know this, but the point is many, many people do not. Why else would they open a large play area for children, hang up a sign saying “Giant Kid’s Playground”, and then wonder why everyone stays away from it? (Answer: everyone is scared of the Giant Kid.)

4. There were times when an apology was best, she thought, even when one really had nothing to apologise for. If only people would say sorry sooner rather than later, Mma Ramotswe believed, much discord and unhappiness could be avoided. But that was not the way people were. So often pride stood in the way of apology, and then, when somebody was ready to say sorry, it was already too late.

1. English Anne Brontë, The Tenant of Wildfell Hall 2. American Philip D. Lukens, Seven Ways to Heal a Relationship (Bonus: Look at the quote in its entirety here.) 3. English Lynne Truss, Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation 4. British Alexander McCall Smith, No.1 Ladies’ Detective Agency (Alexander McCall Smith was born in a British colony in Southern Rhodesia (now Zimbabwe) in Africa)

If you live in Britain or you are writing to someone who does, you might choose to apologise. However, if you are writing from the United States or to an American, apologize is what you want to do! You no longer have to worry about embarrassing yourself by mixing up apologize and apologise. The only task left is to find the right words to express how sorry you are.

All romance, no grammar: lessons we can learn from great works of literature

Some of the greatest works of literature contain beautifully written declarations of love. But if you want to learn the rules of grammar, don’t look to these novels for help. Here are some of the most romantic quotes from literature and explanations of the grammar rules they bend and break.

Tender is the Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald ‘To-night’ is possibly confused with the correctly spelled word, ‘tonight.’ In the past, this hyphenated spelling of ‘tonight’ was common, but it’s best to use the modern spelling in your writing to keep the meaning clear.

Doctor Zhivago by Boris Pasternak When ‘earth’ is used as a proper noun (as it is in this quote) it should be capitalized. If you’re using earth as a common noun (for example: Dinosaurs used to roam the earth.), it needs to be preceded by the article ‘the.’

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen The issue here is the overuse of commas and the conjunction, ‘or.’ There is a beautiful poetry to this style of writing, but if you’re writing for work or school, we suggest keeping things a little simpler.

A Moveable Feast by Ernest Hemingway This is another example of a poetically worded sentence that could be restructured for practicality and clarity. While the combination of compound phrases is compelling in a novel, if you’re writing in a professional setting, it’s best to separate this many clauses with commas or periods. Adding a comma after ‘books’ would help differentiate these related thoughts.

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë The colon in the middle of this sentence emphasizes the lover’s declaration. However, because this sentence contains two separate but related clauses, it would be more grammatically correct to use a semicolon instead of a colon.

The language of love can be beautifully poetic, but it isn’t always the most grammatically correct. When you’re writing professional or formal documents, stick to the rules and save the poetry for your valentines.

Concrete Nouns vs. Abstract Nouns

All nouns fall into one of two categories: concrete nouns and abstract nouns.

What Is a Concrete Noun?

A concrete noun is a noun that can be identified through one of the five senses (taste, touch, sight, hearing, or smell). Consider the examples below:

Would someone please answer the phone?

In the sentence above, the noun phone is a concrete noun: you can touch it, see it, hear it, and maybe even smell it or taste it.

What is that noise?

Even though noise can’t be touched—and the noise may even be coming from several places—you can hear the noise, so it’s a concrete noun.

After his retirement, Mr. Bond pursued his dream of photographing rainbows.

Rainbows is a concrete noun: they can be seen. Mr. Bond is also a concrete noun, but dream and retirement are not. These nouns are considered abstract nouns. We’ll discuss abstract nouns in more detail below.

What Is an Abstract Noun?

An abstract noun is a noun that cannot be perceived using one of the five senses (i.e., taste, touch, sight, hearing, smelling). Look at the examples below:

We can’t imagine the courage it took to do that.

Courage is an abstract noun because it cannot be seen, heard, tasted, touched, or smelled.

Below are two more examples of abstract nouns in context.

Early paleontologists assumed that the small brains of some dinosaurs indicated stupidity of the species.

Higher education is strongly recommended.

How much grammar should educators know? Let us know!

What is your opinion of this controversial topic? What role do you think educators play in grammar and writing education?

Share your thoughts in the comments.

If you are interested in more, check out last week’s poll.