5 Memos That Went Terribly Wrong

In the world of digital communications, pretty much everyone can relate to an email experience going terribly wrong at work. Ever hit “reply all” and sprayed a private message to a group of co-workers and lived to regret it?

Writing internal business communications shouldn’t be fraught with peril, but for these unfortunate executives, things went terribly wrong. From the ridiculous to the tragic, take a look at these five truly terrible business memos.

Western Union Internal Memo

Go back in time to 1876 for the first example of a really ridiculous internal memo (in hindsight). Western Union had a monopoly on fast communication; the telephone had just been invented in March of that year. In a bad move of epic proportions, the business executives at Western Union circulated a memo insisting that the telephone would not be a threat to its business. In part, the memo read, “This ‘telephone’ has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication.”

How did that work out for Western Union? Ask yourself the last time you or anyone you know received a telegram. Enough said.

Greg McKay’s Mumbling Memo

You probably don’t know who Greg McKay is, but he’s infamous at the Arizona Department of Child Safety. After Governor Ducey appointed Greg McKay to head the department, McKay sent his employees a memo that managed to be meandering, vainglorious, self-righteous, and insulting all at the same time. Check out these awesome quotes:

• “I will begin by announcing I am not worthy of this position. In fact, no one man or woman could fulfill this endeavor.”
• “Any projects or pilots that lead our staff down a path of potential lawbreaking will stop now.”
• “Please do not be afraid and know that all things done in good faith will be tolerated.”

Law Firm’s Diversity Memo

Diversity in the workplace is an admirable goal and the writers of this internal communication should be commended for working to achieve that goal. But things went downhill quickly. The memo encourages other employees to engage in activities with “diverse hires” to make them feel more welcome. The writer suggests some swell ideas: a 20-minute chat, a lunch invite, or even an invitation to a non-work event.

So far, so good—and then the hammer drops. Employees are required to record and verify their activities with the HR department to prove they remain compliant with the new “inclusivity policy.” How’s that for creating a warm and inclusive workplace?

Microsoft’s Layoff Memo

Microsoft boss Stephen Elop decided the best way to notify employees their jobs were on the line was with a mass memo. Nothing revolutionary there, even though many would argue a more personal approach. Elop, however, badly mangled the job. The memo, which went out to 12,500 Microsoft employees, opened with a jocular “Hello there,” before rambling on for 14 paragraphs about Microsoft’s role, goals, and future plans. The hapless employees had to read through 10 paragraphs before they hit the key bit—notice of the layoff finally appears in paragraph 11.

Aviva Termination Memo

After UK-based insurance company Aviva Investors fired an employee, the HR department prepared a memo for the unlucky worker with instructions for leaving the building. The memo included guidelines for turning over all company property and security passes and urged quick compliance. Unfortunately, the HR staffer sent that memo to the company’s entire 1,300-member global workforce. It took over 30 minutes for the company to realize its error and send another mass email explaining the mistake.

So, what did we learn about writing effective memos from the examples above? Don’t use your memo to predict the future; be concise; be kind; get to the point; and know your audience. Easy, right?

May 21 is National Memo Day! Have you ever been on the receiving end of a ridiculous email or memo gone wrong? Let us know in the comments.

3 Poems You Can Memorize and Recite (to Impress Your Friends)

Reading poetry is a wonderful experience, but have you ever memorized and recited a poem? Saying the words aloud gives the poem new life and highlights some of the nuances in the language. Here are three short poems you can memorize and recite for your friends and family.

“First Fig” by Edna St. Vincent Millay My candle burns at both ends; It will not last the night; But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends— It gives a lovely light.

“Devotion” by Robert Frost The heart can think of no devotion Greater than being shore to the ocean — Holding the curve of one position, Counting an endless repetition.

“Awaking in New York” by Maya Angelou Curtains forcing their will against the wind, children sleep, exchanging dreams with seraphim. The city drags itself awake on subway straps; and I, an alarm, awake as a rumor of war, lie stretching into dawn, unasked and unheeded.

What is the Subjunctive Mood?

In most cases, the subjunctive form of a verb is usually the third-person form of the verb with the ‑s dropped, but the verb to be is a special case. The subjunctive is used after certain expressions that contain an order or a request, a hypothetical, or a wish.

It Is Recommended That…

Here’s an example of the subjunctive mood in action:

It is recommended that she prepare a short speech before the ceremony.

Does this look weird to you? Usually, you would use the verb form prepares with a third-person singular pronoun like she. But it’s very common to use the subjunctive mood with phrases like “It is recommended that…” or “We recommend that…” The subjunctive form of most verbs is simply the base form of the verb (e.g., prepare, walk, eat).

One reason this gets tricky is that it only becomes obvious you’re using the subjunctive mood when you’re using the third-person singular. The rest of the time, the verb form doesn’t change.

It is recommended that you prepare a short speech before the ceremony.

Other phrases that are commonly followed by a verb in the subjunctive mood include ask that, it is important that, and we insist that.

We asked that he listen carefully to the directions before starting the project.

It is important that she agree to these terms.

Maya insisted that the student seek the aid of a tutor.

Using the Verb to Be in the Subjunctive Mood

The subjunctive mood has one other use: to express wishes and hypothetical situations. Typically, this type of statement includes the word if.

If I were a cat, I would lie in the sun all day.

It’s only obvious that you’re using the subjunctive mood when you’re using the verb to be. The form of any other verb will remain unchanged.

When you’re describing a wish or an impossible situation, use were instead of was.

If I were you, I’d be careful.

If he were rich, he’d buy ten yachts.

Sally wishes she were taller.

Do You Have What It Takes to Be a Scrabble Champion?

April 13 is National Scrabble Day! How can a board game become so popular that it actually has its own holiday? Those who have played Scrabble know that it’s an addictive, brain-busting game that delights word nerds and language lovers. There’s even an annual US National Scrabble Championship and World Scrabble Championship!

Conrad Bassett-Bouchard, last year’s winner of the National Scrabble Championship, won $10,000 after beating a five-time champion. What’s the best way to prepare for the championship? He suggests studying anagrams so your mind can unscramble your Scrabble tiles with ease.

An anagram is a word, phrase, or name formed by rearranging the letters of another word or phrase. If you want to practice for the next Scrabble Championship, test your skills by creating anagrams from the word “Grammarly.” Here are a few to get you started:

Grammarly

alarm gray mama marry

Share your favorite anagrams in the comments!

Comma with Nonrestrictive Clause

A nonrestrictive clause offers extra information about something you have mentioned in a sentence, but the information isn’t essential to identify the thing you’re talking about. Nonrestrictive clauses are usually introduced by which or who and should be set off by commas.

Posey’s Cafe, which Chester recommended, is a fantastic restaurant.

The clause “which Chester recommended” is nonrestrictive because “Posey’s Cafe” is already specific. Identifying it as the restaurant recommended by Chester doesn’t narrow it down any further.

My wife, whom I love dearly, is a brilliant physicist.

The clause “whom I love dearly” is nonrestrictive because you could remove it and it would still be clear that you’re talking about the same person—“my wife” is already specific.

BRB, I’m learning these grammar rules for texting!

Post written by Hadiyah Dache

Keeping up with grammar rules when you’re texting and tweeting can be difficult. We get it—your characters are limited and you’ve got to keep things brief—but the challenge with typing in shorthand is the risk of getting things lost in translation (and autocorrect misinterpreting what you’re trying to say entirely). Communicating a clear message through texts and tweets can be even trickier now that emoji use is replacing words altogether. We’ve all had our moments when what we thought was a clear, simple text completely confused the person on the other end. Here are a few texting tips to help you get your message across:

1. Use Acronyms Sparingly IMHO IDC. IANAL but LMK JIC.

In my honest opinion (IMHO), I don’t care (IDC). I am not a lawyer (IANAL) but let me know (LMK) just in case (JIC).

If you aren’t a world champion of shorthand, it’s easy to get a little apprehensive at the sight of a string of acronyms. For clarity’s sake, it’s best to stick to 1 or 2 acronyms per text. And usually, if it’s longer than a 4-letter acronym, it may be better to take the extra second to type the phrase out.

2. Know Your Audience You: Can You MM@ Market Street? TIA. (Can you meet me @ Market Street? Thanks in advance.) Them: Huh?

Though we may not realize it, sometimes we can be slightly more conversant in textspeak than the person we’re communicating with. While you and your best friend can seemingly have an entire conversation through a series of shorthand texts, someone you text only periodically may not understand your lingo. If you’ve coined a new acronym, it’s probably best to type the phrase out first and then place the acronym in parentheses.

3. An Emoji Says 1,000 Words The good news: there’s an emoji for just about everything. The bad news: many of us still aren’t sure which emoji means what. For example, the high five emoji is often mistaken for (and used as) praying hands. The difference between the crying, sick, and sweating emoji are so minimal that you probably never noticed there was a distinct emoji for each. And what about the woman with her hand in the air? You may be surprised to learn that she isn’t in the middle of a casual hair flip or raising the roof, but instead she’s assisting you. (Her proper name is “Information Desk Lady”.) Review your emoji with  the Emoji Cheat Sheet to ensure you use the correct one every time. Who knew the emoji with steam coming from its nose actually means “triumph”?

4. Capitalization and Punctuation Still Matter Capitalizing a letter doesn’t limit your character count, so there’s no need to skip this step. With numbers, for clarity and speed, it’s best to use numerals at all times (e.g. I’ll meet you @ 4 vs. I’ll meet you @ four). Also, using proper punctuation will help your reader better understand what you’re trying to convey. Sure, adding that comma may use up an extra character, but it will certainly help avoid confusion and possibly embarrassment.

5. Sentence Fragments Are Okay Going to the movies. Back around 9.

If you leave a word out in a text message response to save some space, it’s okay. Chances are your reader will still understand you. Because text messages are such a direct form of communication, you don’t have to start each response with I’m/I am.

We hope these tips help you out the next time you’re in a pinch and need to send a quick text or tweet. Do you have some text etiquette of your own to share? Leave a comment or tweet us @Grammarly!

Guest blog post by Hadiyah Dache

How to Create Sharp Angles in Your Writing

This assignment should be no problem. In fact, it’ll be a blast. What could go wrong? Suppose for a moment that all you have to do is write a children’s song about otters.

The trouble is, there are so many scintillating facts about otters that it’s hard to know where to begin. Do you start with general info—that they’re highly adorable four-legged carnivorous swimmers? Or do you zero in on something more specific?

You could focus on a single nifty detail, like how sea otters’ dense, nearly waterproof fur traps air for insulation, keeping them snug even in cold Pacific waters. Or you could sing about how groups of river otters ward off predators like crocodiles by relentlessly yelling at them.

Choose well, because you’ll only have so much time to hook your audience before their minds drift. For rapper Aesop Rock, the way a swimming otter can use its belly as a table, munching a tasty meal while backstroking, proved irresistible. The result is the one-of-a-kind “My Belly.”

Whether you’re working on a presentation, a blog post, a rap, or a cover letter, cracking into a new piece of writing is tough. When your subject is broad and multifaceted, where to start rarely feels obvious. You need a way in, a distinct perspective, an angle. This is what differentiates your piece from a generic overview. There might be others like it, but this one is yours.

So what’s your angle?

There are a few questions to consider when deciding your angle:

• What precisely will you illuminate for your audience?
• What will be unique about your approach to this subject?
• How much do you assume your readers already know about it?

Properly calibrating that last item is essential. You want people to feel surprised and curious within the first sentence or two, not lost or confused. You certainly don’t want to bore folks with an intro inanely reminding them that otters are mammals, just as you’d prefer not to torpedo your next job application by opening your cover letter with “I hope you hire me.”

A test that editors sometimes use is the question, “What part of this would be most important or exciting to tell your grandmother?” The answer can reveal a lot about your angle. (If the result feels awkward, substitute the grandmother for “friends on a Friday night,” or “hiring committee” as needed.)

Lede the way

The angle needn’t always be spelled out in your final draft, but for journalists, it points to the first and most important sentence from which all else flows: the lede. (That spelling apparently arose to distinguish the term from the the lead type used in old-timey newspaper presses, although some argue its usage stems more from lore than actual history.)

You’ve likely heard of this as the who-what-when-where-why approach to news writing, but it’s a helpful thought process in many other fields as well. Michelle Nijhuis, who writes for National Geographic and edited the indispensable Science Writers’ Handbook, cautions it’s best not to overthink this part early on.

As you outline, don’t let the specific language of the lede hold you up. If you start fiddling, try SciLancer Stephen Ornes’s technique: ‘I write a dummy lede—basically, the most banal and uninteresting introduction to the piece—just to get it over with temporarily. Then, after I’ve written about half the first draft, I can go back and improve the lede.’

Most news stories make a promise of what the story will contain with their lede and then deliver on that promise with more details, context, and quotes further down. Any information that’s not pertinent to the lede tends to get cut or saved for another day.

Topics vs. stories

To sharpen your angle, tighten your focus. A helpful planning exercise is to ask whether you’re writing about a topic or telling a story. Here’s an illustration of how such a conversation might go:

WRITER: I wanna write about childhood.

EDITOR: Yawn. That’s a topic. What’s the story?

WRITER: It’s funny how we see our parents differently once we’re grown up.

EDITOR: You’re gonna have to be more specific.

WRITER: It’s much easier to understand my dad’s actions now that I know what a hangover is.

EDITOR: You could say the same about me. Keep talking.

WRITER: Like this time he was watching a golf video, working on his swing in the living room, and took out an overhead light, and rained glass all over the carpet.

EDITOR: Now we’re getting somewhere.

It’s difficult to directly tackle a topic in a way that doesn’t feel bland or unwieldy. By contrast, stories offer endless avenues for invention and allow room for some writerly personality. They’re often more memorable.

For instance, suppose your task is to write a few thousand words about sinkholes in Florida. Taking this as a head-on topic might mean starting with some forgettable statistics, alongside sterile facts about geologic processes. Meh. Instead, New Yorker writer David Owen opts to begin with a story:

In the fall of 1999, much of Lake Jackson—a four-thousand-acre natural body of water just north of Tallahassee and a popular site for fishing, waterskiing, and recreational boating—disappeared down a hole, like a bathtub emptying into a drain. Trophy bass became stranded in rapidly shrinking eddies, enabling children to catch them with their hands and toss them into picnic coolers, and many of the lake’s other fish, turtles, snakes, and alligators vanished into the earth.

It’s worth noting that where reporters covering hard news traffic in ledes, longform feature writers sometimes employ a nut graf or billboard—a concise explanation of what makes the subject worth caring about.

Nut grafs traditionally appear near the end of an opening section, but they don’t always make it into the final product. Sometimes they’re just a helpful tool for condensing your thoughts and feeling out your angle as you mash out an early draft. Don’t be afraid to write one, Nijhuis says, and take it out once you’re nearly finished.

She also cautions against burning up all your best material too early; remember to save some excitement to help you draw readers through the middle to a rewarding conclusion:

While we obsess about beginnings, we often don’t spend enough time sculpting our endings, or kickers, and that’s too bad. Endings are our last word to the reader, and often what readers will remember most. I like to end with a small scene that serves as a coda to the rest of the story, but there are infinite possibilities: consider powerful quotes, pithy observations, or just a strong statement in your own voice.

Just as a well-considered angle lights the way into a piece of writing, it helps inform how you finish it. Know where you’re coming from and what you’ll deliver to readers, and the path forward will shine that much brighter.