How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty (at All!)

No is one of the shortest words in English, but also it’s one of the most difficult to say. The problem isn’t pronunciation. Many people feel guilty when they have to turn down a request—especially one from a friend, colleague, or family member.

How can you decline a request without those pesky feelings of guilt? Let’s look at some scenarios you might face at the workplace. Why is saying no the right thing to do in each situation?

Sue wants to learn to use a new software program. You’re proficient, but you don’t enjoy teaching others.

Why It’s Okay to Say No

Is providing tech training part of your job description? If not, you have no obligation to do it. Sue would learn best from a willing teacher. If you politely refuse, you’ll avoid doing her a disservice, and she’ll be free to find a teacher committed to her success.

How to Say No Without Guilt

Thank your colleague for complimenting your abilities. Point out that while you are familiar with the program, you are not much of a teacher. Suggest another way for her to accomplish her goal. For example, you might send her a link to an online tutorial that helped you or encourage her to ask the boss to arrange training for everyone who needs support.

Your boss needs someone to work this Saturday. Weeks ago, you arranged to have the day off for a special event in your life. Even though he approved your request, now he is asking if you’ll rearrange your schedule to work an extra shift. You declined, but you just received another email from him asking you to reconsider.

Why It’s Okay to Say No

Mental health experts encourage a healthy work-life balance. If work always crowds out your other interests, you’ll soon experience burnout that will prevent you from working at your highest potential. In this case, saying no will set a precedent for your work relationship in the future. Your boss might never respect your “no” if you weaken and give in to his request. If the special event is important and you’ve followed company procedures, you shouldn’t feel bad about taking time for yourself.

How to Say No Without Guilt

When dealing with authority, you might propose a compromise. “Thanks for inviting me to work on the project! Though I won’t be available to reschedule my commitments Saturday, I cleared my schedule to work on the project as soon as I return to the office. I will report to you first thing Monday to see what you need me to do.” A tactful, yet firm response will show your boss that while you’re not a pushover, you are still a team player.

You spent all night writing an article for the company newsletter. The copy editor sends the article back to you for review—full of corrections and deletions. Some of her comments are spot on, but you disagree with one of them. How do you reject a writing edit while preserving good relations?

Why It’s Okay to Say No

An editor’s comments are suggestions for improvement. You, as the person whose name is on the article, will be the one to take the credit for successes and the fall for any mistakes. If your research or experience moves you to reject the advice, you can do so with the confidence that editors aren’t infallible.

How to Say No Without Guilt

Focus on how saying no will benefit your colleague. For instance, you might include a reference to the issue in the most recent style guide. Often, posing your challenge in the form a question will help you show respect. “I thought that the 2017 Chicago Manual of Style discouraged the use of singular they (in place of he or she) in formal prose? Can you check on it and get back to me?” You can also choose to ignore the suggestion without an explanation. Doing so might cause your editor to do a little investigating of her own and save herself the embarrassment of receiving a correction from you.

Practice Makes Perfect

Does the thought of saying no still put you on edge? You’re not alone! Psychologist Marsha Linehan suggests practicing in unimportant daily situations. Smile and shake your head the next time someone offers you a free sample at the mall. Delete the next email for a volunteer work project. In time, you’ll lose the feeling that you always have to say yes.

Why does saying no have to be a negative experience? Remind yourself why saying no is the wisest course. Then, use a little tact as you explain why you’re declining. If you offer an alternative means to support the person, they will feel better and so will you.

What Are the Best Ways to Show Skills on Your Resume?

“All you need to land an interview is a good set of skills.”

If only that were true! Besides possessing skills, you have to present them in a way that gets noticed and shows that you are right for the job. Which skills should you showcase? What are the best ways to show skills on your resume? Let’s find out now.

What Skills to Put on a Resume

Would you say that you should list all your capabilities on your resume?

Lydia Frank, the editorial director of PayScale, told Money magazine that there are some skills you should avoid mentioning: generalized job functions. How will typing set you apart (unless you are a typist)? Abilities such as filing or copying won’t impress an employer. According to Frank, “it’s implied knowledge.” This is especially true if you have advanced capabilities—if you are an expert in advanced web programming, you don’t need to list basic web design. Save the space for your best qualities.

Alesia Benedict, a certified professional resume writer, warns that recruiters are also turned off by an onslaught of skills. “Recruiters do not have time to wade through a resume loaded with irrelevant information such as hobbies, ancient work history, out-of-date skills, or reasons for leaving prior positions.” Therefore, even though you might be proud of how good you are with tongue twisters, it probably doesn’t belong on your resume for an accountancy position.

How do you decide which of your various talents are relevant? Resume expert Natalie Severt suggests getting the information directly from the employer. No, you don’t have to call or email the company. The key skills, the most valuable qualities to the hiring manager, are usually embedded in the job description.

Take a look at some of the items listed in the qualifications section of this job listing for an educational administrator:

• Knowledge of MS Office programs (especially PowerPoint)
• Comfortable with Google Docs
• Tech-savvy and quick to learn new programs; experience with Learning Management Systems is ideal
• Passion for education and ability to connect with students
• Excellent written communication skills
• Experience with electronic file keeping and reporting
• Highly organized, but able to adapt as needs and programs evolve

Can you see all the clues provided by the potential employer? If you have technology skills, written communication skills, or organizational skills, you should highlight them if you want a good chance at being hired for this job.

How to Present Your Skills on a Resume

In most cases, job seekers set aside a section of the resume for their skills. You can simply label the section “Skills.” However, if a particular aptitude is valuable in your trade, you could be more specific. For instance, if you’re a computer technician, you might focus on technical or computer skills. If you’re applying to an out-of-country position, you might list relevant language skills.

Using the job listing from earlier, can you think of some ways to show your computer skills?

Extensive experience with Microsoft Office products

Familiarity with cloud-based apps, including Google Docs

Knowledge of OpenOffice

Besides these phrases, you might try “expert with,” “able to,” or “proficient at.”

Now that you know which skills to feature (i.e., those that are directly related to the position to which you are applying), where on your resume should they appear?

Not every resume expert agrees on the exact placement of this section, but most of their advice centers on one fact: The resume skills, along with the summary, should be the most visible parts of the document. If you use a template, find one that puts qualifications in a place that will get noticed. You might also get some feedback from friends. Ask them, “Which heading of my resume does your eye go to first?”

How to Prove Your Skills

Expert is a strong descriptor. You should support your assertions with solid evidence. The Huffington Post shared at least two ways to demonstrate that you can do what you say you can.

1 Mention tools that you know how to use in the skills section or elsewhere in your resume.

Project Management with Basecamp

2 Share completed certifications

Fluent in French DELF-certified Level B2

If you don’t present your skills well on a resume, it won’t matter how talented you are. Are you showing your skills in their best light? The job requirements provided by employers can help you decide which skills belong on your resume for each opening. If you tailor your resume today, a perfect job might be waiting for you tomorrow.

Conjunctions

Without conjunctions, you’d be forced to express every complex idea in a series of short, simplistic sentences: I like cooking. I like eating. I don’t like washing dishes afterward.

What Are Conjunctions?

Conjunctions are words that link other words, phrases, or clauses together.

I like cooking and eating, but I don’t like washing dishes afterward. Sophie is clearly exhausted, yet she insists on dancing till dawn.

Conjunctions allow you to form complex, elegant sentences and avoid the choppiness of multiple short sentences. Make sure that the phrases joined by conjunctions are parallel (share the same structure.

I work quickly and am careful.

I work quickly and carefully.

Coordinating Conjunctions

Coordinating conjunctions allow you to join words, phrases, and clauses of equal grammatical rank in a sentence. The most common coordinating conjunctions are for, and, nor, but, or, yet, and so; you can remember them by using the mnemonic device FANBOYS.

I’d like pizza or a salad for lunch. We needed a place to concentrate, so we packed up our things and went to the library. Jesse didn’t have much money, but she got by.

Notice the use of the comma when a coordinating conjunction is joining two independent clauses.

Correlative Conjunctions

Correlative conjunctions are pairs of conjunctions that work together. Some examples are either/or, neither/nor, and not only/but also.

Not only am I finished studying for English, but I’m also finished writing my history essay. I am finished with both my English essay and my history essay.

Subordinating Conjunctions

Subordinating conjunctions join independent and dependent clauses. A subordinating conjunction can signal a cause-and-effect relationship, a contrast, or some other kind of relationship between the clauses. Common subordinating conjunctions are because, since, as, although, though, while, and whereas. Sometimes an adverb, such as until, after, or before can function as a conjunction.

I can stay out until the clock strikes twelve.

Here, the adverb until functions as a coordinating conjunction to connect two ideas: I can stay out (the independent clause) and the clock strikes twelve (the dependent clause). The independent clause could stand alone as a sentence; the dependent clause depends on the independent clause to make sense.

The subordinating conjunction doesn’t need to go in the middle of the sentence. It has to be part of the dependent clause, but the dependent clause can come before the independent clause.

Before he leaves, make sure his room is clean.

If the dependent clause comes first, use a comma before the independent clause.

I drank a glass of water because I was thirsty. Because I was thirsty, I drank a glass of water.

Starting a Sentence with a Conjunction

Many of us were taught in school that it is an error to begin a sentence with a conjunction, but that rule is a myth. As mentioned above, a subordinating conjunction can begin a sentence if the dependent clause comes before the independent clause. It’s also correct to begin a sentence with a coordinating conjunction. Often, it’s a good way to add emphasis. Beginning too many sentences with conjunctions will cause the device to lose its force, however, so use this technique sparingly.

Have a safe trip. And don’t forget to call when you get home. Gertie flung open the door. But there was no one on the other side.

List of Conjunctions

Coordinating Conjunctions

for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so

Correlative Conjunctions

both/and, either/or, neither/nor, not only/but, whether/or

Some Subordinating Conjunctions

after, although, as, as if, as long as, as much as, as soon as, as though, because, before, by the time, even if, even though, if, in order that, in case, in the event that, lest , now that, once, only, only if, provided that, since, so, supposing, that, than, though, till, unless, until, when, whenever, where, whereas, wherever, whether or not, while

Adverbs

What Do Adverbs Modify?

An adverb is a word that modifies (describes) a verb (he sings loudly), an adjective (very tall), another adverb (ended too quickly), or even a whole sentence (Fortunately, I had brought an umbrella). Adverbs often end in -ly, but some (such as fast) look exactly the same as their adjective counterparts.

Tom Longboat did not run badly.

Tom is very tall.

The race finished too quickly.

Fortunately, Lucy recorded Tom’s win.

It’s easy to identify adverbs in these sentences.

Adverbs and Verbs

One of the things adverbs do is modify verbs. This means that they describe the way an action is happening.

Phillip sings loudly in the shower.

My cat waits impatiently for his food.

I will seriously consider your suggestion.

The adverbs in each of the sentences above answer the question in what manner? How does Phillip sing? Loudly. How does my cat wait? impatiently. How will I consider your suggestion? Seriously. Adverbs can answer other types of questions about how an action was performed. They can also tell you when (We arrived early) and where (Turn here).

That cake looks good.

My elderly neighbor looks well.

These two descriptive words are a little more difficult to identify as adverbs. Even though good is usually an adjective, it’s modifying the look of the cake (How does the cake look? It looks good.) so it’s an adverb. We can’t answer the question “what is the cake” because we haven’t tasted it yet, so we don’t know if it’s good cake or bad cake. Well in the second example is tricky because it’s one of the adverbs that doesn’t follow the typical adverb -ly spelling.

Most of the time, it’s pretty straightforward. However, there is one type of verb that doesn’t mix well with adverbs. Linking verbs, such as feel, smell, sound, seem, and appear, typically need adjectives, not adverbs. A very common example of this type of mixup is

I feel badly about what happened.

Because “feel” is a verb, it seems to call for an adverb rather than an adjective. But “feel” isn’t just any verb; it’s a linking verb. An adverb would describe how you perform the action of feeling—an adjective describes what you feel. “I feel badly” means that you are bad at feeling things. If you’re trying to read Braille through thick leather gloves, then it might make sense for you to say “I feel badly.” But if you’re trying to say that you are experiencing negative emotions, “I feel bad” is the phrase you want.

Adverbs and Adjectives

Adverbs can also modify adjectives and other adverbs. Often, the purpose of the adverb is to add a degree of intensity to the adjective.

The woman is quite pretty.

This book is more interesting than the last one.

The weather report is almost always right.

The adverb almost is modifying the adverb always, and they’re both modifying right.

“Is my singing too loud?” asked Phillip.

My cat is incredibly happy to have his dinner.

We will be slightly late to the meeting.

This bridesmaid dress is a very unflattering shade of puce.

Adverbs and Other Adverbs

You can use an adverb to describe another adverb. In fact, if you wanted to, you could use several.

Phillip sings rather enormously too loudly.

The problem is that it often produces weak and clunky sentences like the one above, so be careful not to overdo it.

Adverbs and Sentences

Some adverbs can modify entire sentences—unsurprisingly, these are called sentence adverbs. Common ones include generally, fortunately, interestingly, and accordingly. Sentence adverbs don’t describe one particular thing in the sentence—instead, they describe a general feeling about all of the information in the sentence.

Fortunately, we got there in time.

Interestingly, no one at the auction seemed interested in bidding on the antique spoon collection.

At one time, the use of the word hopefully as a sentence adverb (e.g., Hopefully, I’ll get this job) was condemned. People continued to use it though, and many style guides and dictionaries now accept it. There are still plenty of readers out there who hate it though, so it’s a good idea to avoid using it in formal writing.

Degrees of Comparison

Like adjectives, adverbs can show degrees of comparison, although it’s slightly less common to use them this way. With certain “flat adverbs” (adverbs that look exactly the same as their adjective counterparts), the comparative and superlative forms look the same as the adjective comparative and superlative forms. It’s usually better to use stronger adverbs (or stronger adjectives and verbs) rather than relying on comparative and superlative adverbs.

An absolute adverb describes something in its own right:

He smiled warmly A hastily written note

To make the comparative form of an adverb that ends in -ly, add the word more:

He smiled more warmly than the others. The more hastily written note contained the clue.

To make the superlative form of an adverb that ends in -ly, add the word most:

He smiled most warmly of them all. The most hastily written note on the desk was overlooked.

Placement of Adverbs

Place adverbs as close as possible to the words they are supposed to modify. Putting the adverb in the wrong spot can produce an awkward sentence at best and completely change the meaning at worst. Be especially careful about the word only, which is one of the most often misplaced modifiers. Consider the difference between these two sentences:

Phillip only fed the cat. Phillip fed only the cat.

The first sentence means that all Phillip did was feed the cat. He didn’t pet the cat or pick it up or anything else. The second sentence means that Phillip fed the cat, but he didn’t feed the dog, the bird, or anyone else who might have been around.

When an adverb is modifying a verb phrase, the most natural place for the adverb is usually the middle of the phrase.

We are quickly approaching the deadline.

Phillip has always loved singing.

I will happily assist you.

When to Avoid Adverbs

Ernest Hemingway is often held up as an example of a great writer who detested adverbs and advised other writers to avoid them. In reality, it’s impossible to avoid adverbs altogether. Sometimes we need them, and all writers (even Hemingway) use them occasionally. The trick is to avoid unnecessary adverbs. When your verb or adjective doesn’t seem powerful or precise enough, instead of reaching for an adverb to add more color, try reaching for a stronger verb or adjective instead. Most of the time, you’ll come up with a better word and your writing will be stronger for it.

Prepositions

• Prepositions indicate relationships between other words in a sentence.
• Many prepositions tell you where something is or when something happened.
• Most prepositions have several definitions, so the meaning changes quite a bit in different contexts.
• Ending a sentence with a preposition is not a grammatical error.

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What Is a Preposition?

“Vampires! Zombies! Werewolves!” “Where?!” “Behind you!”

Thank goodness for prepositions. Imagine not knowing where the danger lay….

Prepositions tell us where or when something is in relation to something else. When monsters are approaching, it’s good to have these special words to tell us where those monsters are. Are they behind us or in front of us? Will they be arriving in three seconds or at midnight?

Prepositions often tell us where one noun is in relation to another (e.g., The coffee is on the table beside you). But they can also indicate more abstract ideas, such as purpose or contrast (e.g., We went for a walk despite the rain).

Types of Prepositions

Prepositions indicate direction, time, location, and spatial relationships, as well as other abstract types of relationships.

Direction: Look to the left and you’ll see our destination.

Time: We’ve been working since this morning.

Location: We saw a movie at the theater.

Space: The dog hid under the table.

Preposition Examples

Unfortunately, there’s no reliable formula for determining which preposition to use with a particular combination of words. The best way to learn which prepositions go with which words is to read as much high-quality writing as you can and pay attention to which combinations sound right. Here are a few examples of the most common prepositions used in sentences.

I should rewrite the introduction of my essay.
Sam left his jacket in the car.
Did you send that letter to your mother?
We’re cooking for ten guests tonight.
Dan ate lunch with his boss.

You can also use tools like Google Ngrams to see which prepositions most commonly occur with particular words—but remember, this tool can’t explain the difference in meaning between different prepositional phrases like “pay for” (to purchase) and “pay off” (to bribe). For that, you may want to refer to a list of prepositions that includes the meanings of common combinations.

Ending a Sentence With a Preposition

The old claim that it’s wrong to end a sentence with a preposition has been utterly debunked. It’s not true and it never was true. Writers who always insist that a preposition can’t end a sentence often end up with stilted and unnatural sentences:

There’s no one else to hide behind. (Grammatically correct and natural)
There’s no one else behind whom to hide. (Grammatically correct, but unnatural)
Where did you come from? (Grammatically correct and natural)
From where did you come? (Grammatically correct, but unnatural)

That said, it is sometimes more elegant to move a preposition to an earlier spot in a sentence, especially in very serious and formal writing. But if you do move the preposition, remember to delete it from the end.

This is something we must meditate on.
This is something on which we must meditate.
This is something on which we must meditate on.

Unnecessary Prepositions

One of the most common preposition mistakes is adding an unnecessary at to the end of a question.

Where is your brother at?

Although this is common in some English dialects, it’s considered an error in writing. You can fix the problem by simply deleting the at.

Where is your brother?

On the bright side, if you’re not sure which preposition to use, sometimes you can just get rid of it altogether. In fact, you should always get rid of unnecessary prepositional phrases. Too many prepositions can be a sign of flabby writing. Look at how many prepositions appear in the sentence below:

For many people, the reality of an entry into a new area of employment is cause for a host of anxieties.

Getting rid of the prepositions forces you to tighten up the sentence. The result is shorter, more direct, and easier to understand:

Changing careers makes many people anxious.

Here’s another example:

Alex hit the baseball up over the fence.

Get rid of the up. You don’t need it:

Alex hit the baseball over the fence.

9 Best Grammar Resources for Teachers

How do teachers motivate students to embrace good grammar 365 days of the year and not just on World Teachers’ Day? These ten grammar resources might be just what you need.

1 Visual Aids

If students visualize how grammar works, they will be able to understand sentence structure. For example, an infographic on Copyblogger.com explains what a dangling participle is. Here’s their example sentence: “After rotting in the cellar for weeks, my brother brought up some oranges.” The illustration of a zombie holding an orange helps students see that sentence structure matters. In fact, it’s the difference between life and death! If you don’t have wall space for a poster, take advantage of the following grammar resource.

2 Online Courses

According to its website, the Grammar Challenger helps students “master fifty of the trickiest . . . grammar, punctuation, and word usage” concepts. A pictorial explanation accompanies each grammar point. There are also four hundred practice questions. Whether you choose this online course or another, make sure that there are plenty of opportunities for students to practice what they learn.

3 Interactive Whiteboard Activities

Interactive whiteboards project your computer screen on a dry-erase whiteboard. Students can view and interact with the images, play games, type, or do other computer tasks. According to the National Education Association, “The technology allows teachers to integrate multiple information streams into a coherent lesson individualized for their students. Interactive whiteboards provide an extraordinary opportunity to create classroom environments where students with different learning styles can engage and learn from each other.”

4 Games

What if students could learn and play at the same time? One game on the British Council website teaches how to form sentences using present simple and present continuous tenses. A ticking timer measures students’ speed as they attempt to put a sentence in logical order. Teachers take note: Some British English grammar conventions are different from American ones.

5 Lesson Plans

If you are looking for an effective way to teach a grammar point, other teachers are happy to share what works for them. Ask around at your school or search for lesson plans online. One website where teachers share ideas is TeachersPayTeachers.com. Though some teachers sell their lesson plans and worksheets, there are many free items.

6 Gap-Fill Activities

Did you ever do Mad Libs? A partner tells you the part of speech missing from a paragraph. You provide a noun, adjective, etc. Because you don’t know what the text is about, your random verbs and nouns make for funny reading when your partner reveals the paragraph you completed. Gap-fills help students to identify parts of speech and understand how vocabulary works in different contexts. You can find gap-fills on ESL websites, such as ESL-Galaxy.com, or make your own.

7 Songs

Songs make excellent mnemonic devices. Mr. A, Mr.C, and Mr. D are teachers who use modern tunes to teach grammar ideas. The official story on their website is that a giant shoe-shaped spacecraft crashed near their home. They used songs to teach Bertram, the confused alien pilot, about Earth and the English language. Fortunately, they are willing to share their music with human pupils as well, so you can find their catchy melodies on iTunes and SoundCloud.

8 Online Grammar-Checking Software

The brief grammar explanations that Grammarly provides reveal the “why” behind mistakes. Teachers can also use the tool to make sure the handouts and emails they share with their students are error-free.

9 Reference Books

If you are a native English speaker, you may know the right word to use without understanding the grammar behind it. Reference books provide explanations that you can share with your students. The Only Grammar Book You’ll Ever Need by Larry Shea is one of the top-selling titles in its genre on Amazon.

 

Which of these resources will you use on World Teachers’ Day? It might be fun to do a gap-fill activity, sing a song together, or play a game. Whatever you do, help your students to see that grammar can be as fun as it is useful.

Plural Nouns: Rules and Examples

Most singular nouns are made plural by simply putting an -s at the end. There are many different rules regarding pluralization depending on what letter a noun ends in. Irregular nouns do not follow plural noun rules, so they must be memorized or looked up in the dictionary.

Plural Noun Rules

There are many plural noun rules, and because we use nouns so frequently when writing, it’s important to know all of them! The correct spelling of plurals usually depends on what letter the singular noun ends in.

1 To make regular nouns plural, add ‑s to the end.

cat – cats

house – houses

2 If the singular noun ends in ‑s, -ss, -sh, -ch, -x, or -z, add ‑es to the end to make it plural.

truss – trusses

bus – buses

marsh – marshes

lunch – lunches

tax – taxes

blitz – blitzes

3 In some cases, singular nouns ending in -s or -z, require that you double the -s or -z prior to adding the -es for pluralization.

fez – fezzes

gas –gasses

4 If the noun ends with ‑f or ‑fe, the f is often changed to ‑ve before adding the -s to form the plural version.

wife – wives

wolf – wolves

Exceptions:

roof – roofs

belief – beliefs

chef – chefs

chief – chiefs

5 If a singular noun ends in ‑y and the letter before the -y is a consonant, change the ending to ‑ies to make the noun plural.

city – cities

puppy – puppies

6 If the singular noun ends in -y and the letter before the -y is a vowel, simply add an -s to make it plural.

ray – rays

boy – boys

7 If the singular noun ends in ‑o, add ‑es to make it plural.

potato – potatoes

tomato – tomatoes

Exceptions:

photo – photos

piano – pianos

halo – halos

With the unique word volcano, you can apply the standard pluralization for words that end in -o or not. It’s your choice! Both of the following are correct:

volcanoes

volcanos

8 If the singular noun ends in ‑us, the plural ending is frequently ‑i.

cactus – cacti

focus – foci

9 If the singular noun ends in ‑is, the plural ending is ‑es.

analysis – analyses

ellipsis – ellipses

10 If the singular noun ends in ‑on, the plural ending is ‑a.

phenomenon – phenomena

criterion – criteria

11 Some nouns don’t change at all when they’re pluralized.

sheep – sheep

series – series

species – species

deer –deer

You need to see these nouns in context to identify them as singular or plural. Consider the following sentence:

Mark caught one fish, but I caught three fish.

Plural Noun Rules for Irregular Nouns

Irregular nouns follow no specific rules, so it’s best to memorize these or look up the proper pluralization in the dictionary.

child – children

goose – geese

man – men

woman – women

tooth – teeth

foot – feet

mouse – mice

person – people