10 Hilarious Out of Office Messages You Will Want to Copy

Leaving for vacation? Heading to a work conference? Beset with the flu? You’re taking a break from email correspondence, which means it’s time to set up the dreaded “out of office” message. Not only is it a bore to write, most people will be less than delighted to read it when they were expecting a real response from you.

But what if you could turn this necessary evil into a way of engaging with people that’s informative, memorable, and even fun? Maybe they wouldn’t be as disappointed to get your away message instead of getting you.

For those who are ready to stand out from the crowd, we’ve gathered ten hilarious out of office messages that will inspire you to raise the bar the next time you sit down to write an autoresponder.

1Keeping It Real

I am currently out of the office on vacation.

I know I’m supposed to say that I’ll have limited access to email and won’t be able to respond until I return, but that’s not true. My iPhone will be with me and I can respond if I need to. And I recognize that I’ll probably need to interrupt my vacation from time to time to deal with something urgent.

That said, I promised my wife that I am going to try to disconnect, get away and enjoy our vacation as much as possible. So, I’m going to experiment with something new. I’m going to leave the decision in your hands:

• If your email truly is urgent and you need a response while I’m on vacation, please resend it to interruptyourvacation@firstround.com and I’ll try to respond to it promptly.

• If you think someone else at First Round Capital might be able to help you, feel free to email my assistant, Fiona, and she’ll try to point you in the right direction.

Otherwise, I’ll respond when I return…

Warm regards,

Josh

Sometimes honesty is the best course of action. Venture capitalist Josh Kopelman shares the facts, then presents the option to choose your own adventure. Do you really want to interrupt his vacation?

2A Day in the Life of an Autoresponder

Digital marketing guru Ann Handley has become legendary for her humorous out of office responses. Getting an auto-reply is by definition impersonal, but Ann turns a cold response into a friendly conversation through some clever personification, while also promoting the event she’s attending. Genius!

Guess who is available on email and who is *not* available on email this week!

Who is on email: Me, the email auto-responder.

Who is mostly not on email: Ann.

Fun fact: Ann and I never, EVER are on duty at the same time. (Mind blown, right?)

Being an auto-responder is not a bad gig. Upside: I spend the vast majority of my time sitting around, waiting for Ann to take a vacation or for the B2B Forum to roll around.

The latter is precisely what’s going on now! The B2B Forum might be an awesome event for B2B marketers. But for me, it’s like my Chrismakwanzakah — HOORAY! I have something to do today aside from make microwave nachos and binge-watch Netflix!

(What’s the B2B Forum? See here: mpb2b.marketingprofs.com. You can probably still buy a ticket. I cannot. I got work to do!)

You can also peek at what she’s up to in Boston here: http://instagram.com/AnnHandley.

Thanks for swinging by! More importantly, thanks for giving my life purpose and meaning!

Your friend,

Email auto-responder (Repping Ann)

3It Rhymes!

Toronto tomorrow for #SMSociety! Out of office email all sorted… pic.twitter.com/SRp2n7x439

— Dr Wil Chivers (@wilchivs) July 26, 2017

Rejection doesn’t have to hurt. Why not soften the blow with an adorable poem that informs and delights?

Thanks for the email, but I’m afraid to say I cannot reply as I am away. A conference in Canada is where you’ll find me, Follow it on Twitter – #SMSociety.

4“Hi, I’m Troy McClure!”

We’re not sure who wrote the original Troy McClure out of office message, but this version by Paul Sokol of Infusionsoft is a real gem.

Hi, I’m Troy McClure! You may remember me from such classic Out of Office Messages as “I’m at Outside Lands Watching Metallica” or “Visiting My Family in Florida.” I’m here today to talk to you about Paul Sokol, and the email you just sent him.

(Enter Billy, 8 years old, doe-eyed)

Billy: Mr. McClure? Why is Paul not answering any emails right now?

Troy: The answer is simple Billy: Paul is in San Diego this weekend providing support for an event and nowhere near his work email.

Billy: When is he going to be coming back?

Troy: He will be back on Monday morning.

Billy: Is he going to reply to the email they just sent?

Troy: If it warrants a response, Billy. If it warrants a response…

(Exit Billy)

That’s all for now. Watch for me in the upcoming Out of Office Message “At a Wedding,” coming this winter!

5There’s a Graph for That

Don’t have time to craft the perfect response? A relatable comic or infographic is all you need.

Best out of office email I’ve received in a while… pic.twitter.com/cKau0N59Kd

— Francesca Gino (@francescagino) July 12, 2017

6Fun With Pop Culture

Take a cue from PR guru Gini Dietrich—make your message memorable by framing it with a pop culture reference.

via GIPHY

Is this heaven? No, it’s Iowa.

That’s where I’ll be for the next couple of days, giving my last out of town keynote of the year (yay!). I don’t know if there really is a Field of Dreams, but I’ll be in search of it in between checking emails and getting back to you as quickly as I can.

If you need something while I’m stuck in a corn field, you can send a note to my assistant and she will be happy to help you.

7A Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words

What is the best “out of the office” email response you’ve gotten? My in below. pic.twitter.com/7N9rVRmDVR

— Ben Stapley (@benstapley) July 31, 2017

An emoji autoresponder? It’s cute, it’s effective, and they might actually read it!

8The Revolution

Best out-of-office auto email reply ever. pic.twitter.com/OY66YEV28n

— Jim Julius (@jjulius) July 31, 2014

If they’re not happy with your response they can blame the robots—if they dare.

9Choose Wisely

Reducing email volume is key. Take this opportunity to express your draconian streak.

I am on annual leave until dd/mm/yyyy. I will allow each sender one email and if you send me multiple emails, I will randomly delete your emails until there is only one remaining. Choose wisely. Please note that you have already sent me one email.

10Too Much Nyquil

Taking a sick day? There’s humor in there somewhere. When your out of office message gets out of hand, you can always blame it on the Nyquil.

It is with sincere regret that I inform you that I feel like a porcupine has climbed down my throat and up into my head. I came to work this morning because I did not want to miss our busy Monday morning and with hopes this would pass. Alas I continue to sound and feel like the [expletive] I nearly stepped in this morning. I shall now retire to my place where bed and T.V. are so that I can nurse a bottle of Nyquil until I succumb to the purple haze of that cherry-flavored syrup. Please excuse my absence and rest assured that I will not be spreading my misery to others in the office.

Regards,

[Name]

P.S. Please forgive the absurdity of this email as I feel the sickness and medication have clouded my professional judgment.

What Is the Best Way to Develop a Writing Style?

Whether or not you realize it, you have a writing style. It’s like fashion: sometimes you don’t notice it at all (jeans and a t-shirt), and other times you can’t take your eyes away (Fashion Week, or Lady Gaga). Whether you’re trying to make it as an author or churning out dozens of business emails a day, your writing style is your signature way of communicating.

Your writing style is uniquely yours, but that doesn’t mean it has to be so unique that it causes confusion. Writers like Virginia Woolf, William Faulkner, and Ernest Hemingway have such personalized writing styles that you could spot their writing in a lineup, but let’s just say Woolf’s run-on sentences aren’t going to be a hit in a business memo. To get your point across but also stay true to your own writing style, it’s important to identify your quirks, polish your technique, and be willing to adapt.

Identify Your Writing Style

Are you quirky? Casual? Formal? Are there certain words you use all the time? Are parentheses all over your writing? Do you go for diverse punctuation, or prefer short, choppy sentences?

The components that make up the way you communicate are what make your writing style yours—whether you consider yourself a Writer with a capital W or just have to create text for your job from time to time.

If you’re interested in improving your communication, start paying attention to your habits. Notice what favorite words keep popping up, whether you find yourself going for semicolons or em-dashes, and other specifics.

How?

• Go through old chapters, articles, or emails you’ve written and take notes on recurring traits.
• As you’re writing something new, reread each sentence or paragraph to find your tics.
• Ask a friend or colleague what they’ve noticed about your writing. Sometimes an extra pair of eyes can pick up details we’re used to glazing over.

After you’ve identified what characterizes your writing style, you can work to improve it, or if you’re satisfied, keep on writing with that heightened awareness.

Hone Your Writing Style

Having a personal writing style is good, but a writing style that’s too out-there can get in the way of comprehension. Whether you do journalism, business writing, or fiction, make sure your writing style fits the norm, but is still your style.

For example, if you keep a thesaurus handy, great. Big words can help you be more precise and descriptive. Just make sure they’re not weighing down your writing or causing confusion.

Or, if you find yourself using phrases like “I think” or “I believe,” cut them. In general, writing sounds more confident and assertive without self-references.

Is the passive voice frequently used in your writing? Scratch that: do you use the passive voice in your writing? Active voice is stronger and more direct, and it’s often the better choice.

Curb Your Writing Style

Honing means making your style concise and clear. Curbing it means getting rid of bad habits. In general, you should check your grammar and spelling. (Shameless plug: we happen to know a handy writing tool that does just that!)

Other than that, unfortunately, writing has a lot of no-no’s, and they vary depending on the type of writing you do. Try these articles to get specific:

• Clean up your dirty, wordy writing
• Get rid of filler words
• Avoid these words at work
• Create error-free content marketing
• Be clear and assertive over email

Adapt Your Writing Style

Back to the fashion metaphor. Maybe you have a thing for sweater-vests or mismatched socks, or you wear sweatpants whenever you can get away with it. Fashion is about being yourself, but there are times when you dress a certain way because it’s expected of you. A job interview. A wedding. Prom. You can still be yourself, but you adapt to the occasion.

Similarly, you can shift your writing style based on the situation you’re writing for. Here are some examples:

• For a memo or report for work, write in short sentences or bullet points, use the vocabulary favored by your industry, and focus on the goal.
• For emails, unless it’s a super serious topic, this is usually a place to be more casual. (What about social media? Find out.)
• For essays or academic papers, formality goes through the roof. Read some examples of similar writing to get a sense of how to adapt.
• For presentations, the writing on your slides or your speech notes should be casual and concise to suit the spoken format.

When it comes to your writing style, just like with fashion, you can be yourself, but also be appropriate for whatever situation you’re in. If you’re aware of your habits and willing to adapt, your writing style will not only serve you in a wide range of writing scenarios but will also continue to improve with time.

Contractions

What is a contraction?

A contraction is a shortened form of a word (or group of words) that omits certain letters or sounds. In most contractions, an apostrophe represents the missing letters. The most common contractions are made up of verbs, auxiliaries, or modals attached to other words: He would=He’d. I have=I’ve. They are=They’re. You cannot=You can’t.

Contractions are common in speech—so common that we don’t always take the time to pronounce them precisely, which leads to a particular contraction mistake writers might make if they’re not paying attention. In speech, we often pronounce could’ve, should’ve, and would’ve in a way that sounds identical to “could of,” “should of,” and “would of.” But you should never write could of, should of, or would of. Remember, could’ve, should’ve, and would’ve are contractions that mean could have, should have, and would have.

Other contractions

Some writers use less common contractions when they want to represent a particular style of speech. They might write somethin’ to represent the way people often don’t pronounce the final g of “something” in speech. Occasionally, you might see e’er (instead of ever) in poetry. And, of course, in the American South, you will probably encounter y’all (you all). Decade names are often contracted as well: the ’60s (the 1960s).

There are a few contractions, such as gonna (going to) and wanna (want to) that are written without apostrophes.

When to use contractions

Contractions are perfectly standard, but they’re usually considered to be relatively casual. If you’re writing something very formal, you may want to avoid using them except in cases like o’clock, where the full phrase (of the clock) truly is rare.

How to Structure a Less Stressful Sunday

Do you know where the seven-day week came from?

Your first inclination may be to assume that the seven-day week is based on some celestial phenomenon, like the year (loosely based on the earth’s orbital period) or the month (which was supposedly invented to mimic lunar cycles). Unfortunately, you’d be wrong.

The seven-day week, like the five-day workweek it encompasses, is completely man-made. Artificial. Made up.

via GIPHY

Even though we made up the workweek, the anxiety many people feel on Sunday nights is very real. According to a poll by Monster.com, 76 percent of respondents in the US reported some form of Sunday night anxiety. And it’s no surprise that so many folks feel apprehension as the weekend comes to a close and Monday’s boring spectre looms.

There are a few ways to beat these blues, though, by creating a Sunday schedule that works for you. Here’s how you can move beyond the sleepless, anxiety-ridden evening to a beautiful capstone of your weekend.

Before Sunday: Rest, Recharge, Invest, Plan

A great Sunday starts with great preparation.

Experts on work stress and anxiety suggest that beating the “Sunday blues” starts on Friday, when you need to take a few moments to review your week, assess your performance, and build your Monday to-do list.

Here’s a tip: Don’t know how to make that to-do list? We have a quiz for that.

Now, for the obvious-but-difficult truth: if you spend Friday and Saturday nights disrupting your sleep schedule with things like alcohol and shenanigans, Sunday morning might be rough. The best Sundays will follow Fridays and Saturdays where you rest, recharge, and prepare for your week.

But, if you want to still have fun and beat stress, there’s probably a balance between an 8 p.m. bedtime and raging until the sunrise. You just need to find the weekend schedule that works for you.

There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.

― Mindy Kaling

Sunday Start: Find Your Friends

Socializing on the “weekend” is often limited to Friday and Saturday, but it doesn’t have to be that way! If you’re an extrovert or other person who feels most energized by having others around, why not set up your social time for Sundays? Studies show that spending time with friends can protect us from the most negative side effects of stress, so giving a few hours of calm social time on Sunday a shot might be worth it.

Sunday Morning: Do One Thing You Love

Even if you love your work, there is probably one thing you love to do more. If possible, try to start your Sunday on a positive foot by doing that one beloved hobby, pastime, or ritual first. You could go for a morning hike, watch a comedy special, make pancakes, or just hang out with your dog. The world is your oyster, and breaking the Sunday script has to start somewhere!

Sunday Afternoon: Tackle a Project

Of course, if projects stress you out, this may not be your go-to strategy to beat stress. But if you need a distraction from intellectual stresses at work, diving into a non-work project might help to distract you for a few hours. The more manual labor involved, the better.

Sunday Evening: Work It Out

via GIPHY

Insomnia is a common component of so-called “Sunday night syndrome.” To beat it, though, you probably don’t need to turn to sleeping pills. With some planning, you can beat mild insomnia all by yourself.

You know the best way to beat insomnia, according to science? Work out, and work hard. Make yourself so physically tired you can’t possibly stay awake. So, if you know Sunday nights are difficult for your sleep schedule, plan a long run, hike, bike trip, or gym sesh on Sundays.

Sunday Night: Read a Damn Book

At this point, most of us know that blue-lit screens (like phones, tablets, laptops, and TVs) can affect sleep. So why not head this off at the pass by picking up a real, pages-and-binding book and going on an adventure?

What’s your Sunday-night stress reliever? Tell us in the comments below!

Onomatopoeia

Boom! Crunch! Pop!

Onomato . . . what?

Hard to spell but easy to use, an onomatopoeia (ahn-uh-mat-uh-PEE-uh) is a word that sounds like what it means.

If you think for a minute, you can probably come up with lots of examples. Hiss, snip, thud, clonk . . . Comic books are a great place to look for onomatopoeias in action. Pow!

Or, try thinking about a barnyard. Most languages have onomatopoeic words for the sounds animals make. In English, dogs woof, cats meow, and cows moo.

Using onomatopoeias

Onomatopoeias, like alliteration and consonance, can bring your writing to life by making the words themselves sound compelling to your reader.

Consider a sentence like:

Diego lay awake, listening to the unending sound of the clock on the mantelpiece.

It’s fine, but a little bland. A well-placed onomatopoeia can give it some punch.

Diego lay awake, listening to the relentless tick-tock of the clock on the mantelpiece.

If you don’t get why they’re different, try reading the sentences out loud. Really pay attention to the way the words themselves sound. Which sentence leaves you with a stronger impression of a clock ticking away across the room? Just as literary imagery helps your readers envision what you’re talking about, onomatopoeias help them hear it.

Beyond onomatopoeias

Still not convinced that just the sound of a word can affect your reader? Consider the phenomenon known as sound symbolism. Sound symbolism describes the tendency for clusters of words with similar meanings to share certain sounds. Here’s an example: think of a word to describe something that shines in the darkness. Does your word start with gl-? Chances are, it does. There is a conspicuous abundance of gl- words to describe things that shimmer: glow, gloss, glisten, glitter, glimmer, gleam, glint, glare, glaze, glitz.

Or, consider the words that come to mind when you think about gliding movement and smooth, wet surfaces: slide, slime, slippery, slick, slink, slither.

Linguists and psychologists are still learning about the relationship between sounds and semantic meaning. But there is a famous study that suggests the connection between certain sounds and meanings is not always arbitrary.

 

In 2001, V.S. Ramachandran and Edward Hubbard repeated an experiment Wolfgang Kohler had conducted in 1929. They told English speakers in the U.S. and Tamil speakers in India that the two shapes in the picture above were named Kiki and Bouba. Then they asked which name went with which shape. A whopping 95 to 98 percent of both English and Tamil speakers said the rounded shape was Bouba and the spiky shape was Kiki. Clearly, there is a connection.

So, the next time you want your readers to lose themselves in your writing, consider tossing in an onomatopoeia or two. If nothing else, most of them are awfully fun to say. Kaboom!

Metaphors

A metaphor is a figure of speech that describes an object or action in a way that isn’t literally true, but helps explain an idea or make a comparison.

Here are the basics:

• A metaphor states that one thing is another thing
• It equates those two things not because they actually are the same, but for the sake of comparison or symbolism
• If you take a metaphor literally, it will probably sound very strange (are there actually any sheep, black or otherwise, in your family?)
• Metaphors are used in poetry, literature, and anytime someone wants to add some color to their language

Remember to check your knowledge at the end with our Metaphor vs. Simile Quiz.

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If you’re a black sheep, you get cold feet, or you think love is a highway, then you’re probably thinking metaphorically. These are metaphors because a word or phrase is applied to something figuratively: unless you’re actually a sheep or are dipping your toes in ice water, chances are these are metaphors that help represent abstract concepts through colorful language.

Metaphor Definition and Examples

Those are the uses of metaphor, and this is the official definition:

• A word or phrase for one thing that is used to refer to another thing in order to show or suggest that they are similar
• An object, activity, or idea that is used as a symbol of something else

Metaphors are a form of figurative language, which refers to words or expressions that mean something different from their literal definition. In the case of metaphors, the literal interpretation would often be pretty silly. For example, imagine what these metaphors would look like if you took them at face value:

Love is a battlefield.

Bob is a couch potato.

Baby, you’re a firework.

I am titanium.

Once you get past the image of going on a date armed with a battleaxe or David Guetta made out of corrosion-resistant metal, the result is a much more powerful description of people or events than you’d get with phrases like “love is difficult” or “I’m very strong.”

Metaphors show up in literature, poetry, music, and writing, but also in speech. If you hear someone say “metaphorically speaking,” it probably means that you shouldn’t take what they said as the truth, but as more of an idea. For example, it’s finals period and after exams, students are saying things like “That test was murder.” It’s a fair guess they’re still alive if they’re making comments about the test, so this is an example of speaking metaphorically or figuratively.

Metaphors can make your words come to life (or in the case of the exam, to death). Often, you can use a metaphor to make your subject more relatable to the reader or to make a complex thought easier to understand. They can also be a tremendous help when you want to enhance your writing with imagery. As a common figure of speech, metaphors turn up everywhere from novels and films to presidential speeches and even popular songs. When they’re especially good, they’re hard to miss.

Take these famous metaphor examples:

All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances.

William Shakespeare

America has tossed its cap over the wall of space.

John F. Kennedy

Chaos is a friend of mine.

Bob Dylan

A good conscience is a continual Christmas.

Benjamin Franklin

You ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog, cryin’ all the time.

Elvis Presley

Metaphor vs. Simile

Here’s a tip: Similes are like metaphors, but metaphors aren’t similes. A metaphor makes a comparison by stating that one thing is something else, but a simile states that one thing is like something else.

If you’re trying to tell the difference between metaphors and similes, the more obvious comparison in similes makes them easier to identify as figures of speech.

While someone might actually think that Elvis Presley has a hound dog who happens to be particularly noisy, imagine if his lyric went “You’re like a hound dog,” or “You’re as whiny as a hound dog.” In these cases, Elvis would be using a simile, which makes it a bit clearer that he’s not actually singing to a sad puppy. But on the flip side, the rhythm wouldn’t be quite as catchy.

Read up on similes, and check out these examples to get a taste for how they work:

She’s as cute as a button.

It’s like shooting fish in a barrel.

He’s as nutty as a fruitcake.

Ogres are like onions.*

*That one’s from Shrek.

Different Types of Metaphors

Let’s rewind to the definition of a metaphor as a figure of speech. Another example is that catchy tune, “You are my sunshine.” Although you aren’t literally a ray of light, you probably have a similarly uplifting effect on the speaker.

But the definition of metaphor is actually broader than that. Often, metaphor is used loosely to mean any kind of symbolism. In literature, there are are many other types of metaphors, too: implied, sustained, dead, and others.

Implied Metaphor

Here’s a tip: Implied metaphor departs from the “thing A is thing B” formula and allows you to make a more sophisticated and subtle type of comparison through—you guessed it—implication.

Take these two sentences:

Jordan got his courtship cues from the peacock. In a room full of ladies, Jordan simply fans his feathers.

In both sentences, we are comparing Jordan to a peacock. In the first sentence, the comparison is overt: the peacock is mentioned directly. But in the second sentence, we imply that Jordan is the peacock by comparing his behavior (fanning his feathers) to something peacocks are known for doing. That isn’t meant to suggest that Jordan actually has feathers, but that he is behaving in a showy and flirty way to catch the attention of the ladies.

Sustained Metaphor

Here’s a tip: A sustained metaphor is carried through multiple sentences or even paragraphs. Because it is used and developed over a longer section of text, a sustained metaphor can be a powerful literary device that provides strong, vivid imagery in the reader’s mind.

This kind of metaphor is often found in songs and poetry. In a famous example from Shakespeare, Romeo compares Juliet to the sun over several lines.

But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the East, and Juliet is the sun! Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, Who is already sick and pale with grief.

Kind of puts “You are my sunshine” to shame.

Dead Metaphor

Here’s a tip: A dead metaphor is a cliche that has become so commonplace that the imagery has lost its power. Examples of dead metaphors include: “raining cats and dogs,” “throw the baby out with the bathwater,” and “heart of gold.”

With a good, living metaphor, you get that fun moment of thinking about what it would look like if Elvis were actually singing to a hound dog (for example). But with a dead metaphor, the original image has already receded into the background. Using too many dead metaphors will cause your reader to lose interest. Reach a little further for an original image, or think about ways to use a familiar metaphor in an unconventional way.

Watch Out for Mixed Metaphors

Another reason to avoid dead metaphors is that it’s easy to mix them up.

Here’s a tip: A mixed metaphor is exactly what it sounds like—a combination of two unrelated metaphors.

Let’s get all our ducks on the same page. (A mashup of “get our ducks in a row” and “get on the same page.”)

Mixed metaphors can be pretty funny; the great Yogi Berra was famous for his “Yogi-isms,” which often contained bewilderingly mixed metaphors that still managed to get his point across:

Even Napoleon had his Watergate.

But if you’re not trying to be funny, mixed metaphors can come off as awkward or even undermine the point you’re trying to make.

How to Come Up with a Metaphor

You don’t need anything but your imagination to come up with a good metaphor, but some added flair can go a long way. Remember, metaphors often represent something that is hard to take literally. Think of the metaphor “rule with an iron fist” as an example. Outside of the world of George R.R. Martin’s Game of Thrones, it would be a bit difficult to find a person with an actual hand made of iron. However, we are still able to interpret that metaphor as meaning someone who is hard and heavy-handed on governance.

Here’s a tip: When you are coming up with your own metaphor, stick to concepts that people are familiar with but wouldn’t necessarily associate with a person.

Here is a simple example:

It’s been a real circus at home since Mom went on vacation.

You wouldn’t typically refer to your house as a circus, but this sentence implies that things are wild, full of excitement, and maybe a bit chaotic with Mom out of the house.

The next time you think your writing could use some energy, try giving it a jolt with a well-crafted metaphor. It’s sure to be a lightning bolt for your writing.

Metaphor vs. Simile Quiz

Metaphors are often confused with similes because the serve similar functions. Take our short quiz to check your understanding of metaphors and similes.

Articles

What Are Articles?

Articles are words that define a noun as specific or unspecific. Consider the following examples:

After the long day, the cup of tea tasted particularly good.

By using the article the, we’ve shown that it was one specific day that was long and one specific cup of tea that tasted good.

After a long day, a cup of tea tastes particularly good.

By using the article a, we’ve created a general statement, implying that any cup of tea would taste good after any long day.

English has two types of articles: definite and indefinite. Let’s discuss them now in more detail.

The Definite Article

The definite article is the word the. It limits the meaning of a noun to one particular thing. For example, your friend might ask, “Are you going to the party this weekend?” The definite article tells you that your friend is referring to a specific party that both of you know about. The definite article can be used with singular, plural, or uncountable nouns. Below are some examples of the definite article the used in context:

Please give me the hammer.

Please give me the red hammer; the blue one is too small.

Please give me the nail.

Please give me the large nail; it’s the only one strong enough to hold this painting.

Please give me the hammer and the nail.

The Indefinite Article

The indefinite article takes two forms. It’s the word a when it precedes a word that begins with a consonant. It’s the word an when it precedes a word that begins with a vowel. The indefinite article indicates that a noun refers to a general idea rather than a particular thing. For example, you might ask your friend, “Should I bring a gift to the party?” Your friend will understand that you are not asking about a specific type of gift or a specific item. “I am going to bring an apple pie,” your friend tells you. Again, the indefinite article indicates that she is not talking about a specific apple pie. Your friend probably doesn’t even have any pie yet. The indefinite article only appears with singular nouns. Consider the following examples of indefinite articles used in context:

Please hand me a book; any book will do.

Please hand me an autobiography; any autobiography will do.

Exceptions: Choosing A or An

There are a few exceptions to the general rule of using a before words that start with consonants and an before words that begin with vowels. The first letter of the word honor, for example, is a consonant, but it’s unpronounced. In spite of its spelling, the word honor begins with a vowel sound. Therefore, we use an. Consider the example sentence below for an illustration of this concept.

My mother is a honest woman.

My mother is an honest woman.

Similarly, when the first letter of a word is a vowel but is pronounced with a consonant sound, use a, as in the sample sentence below:

She is an United States senator.

She is a United States senator.

This holds true with acronyms and initialisms, too: an LCD display, a UK-based company, an HR department, a URL.

Article Before an Adjective

Sometimes an article modifies a noun that is also modified by an adjective. The usual word order is article + adjective + noun. If the article is indefinite, choose a or an based on the word that immediately follows it. Consider the following examples for reference:

Eliza will bring a small gift to Sophie’s party.

I heard an interesting story yesterday.

Indefinite Articles with Uncountable Nouns

Uncountable nouns are nouns that are either difficult or impossible to count. Uncountable nouns include intangible things (e.g., information, air), liquids (e.g., milk, wine), and things that are too large or numerous to count (e.g., equipment, sand, wood). Because these things can’t be counted, you should never use a or an with them—remember, the indefinite article is only for singular nouns. Uncountable nouns can be modified by words like some, however. Consider the examples below for reference:

Please give me a water.

Water is an uncountable noun and should not be used with the indefinite article.

Please give me some water.

However, if you describe the water in terms of countable units (like bottles), you can use the indefinite article.

Please give me a bottle of water.

Please give me an ice.

Please give me an ice cube.

Please give me some ice.

Note that depending on the context, some nouns can be countable or uncountable (e.g., hair, noise, time):

We need a light in this room.

We need some light in this room.

Using Articles with Pronouns

Possessive pronouns can help identify whether you’re talking about specific or nonspecific items. As we’ve seen, articles also indicate specificity. But if you use both a possessive pronoun and an article at the same time, readers will become confused. Possessive pronouns are words like his, my, our, its, her, and their. Articles should not be used with pronouns. Consider the examples below.

Why are you reading the my book?

The and my should not be used together since they are both meant to modify the same noun. Instead, you should use one or the other, depending on the intended meaning:

Why are you reading the book?

Why are you reading my book?

Omission of Articles

Occasionally, articles are omitted altogether before certain nouns. In these cases, the article is implied but not actually present. This implied article is sometimes called a “zero article.” Often, the article is omitted before nouns that refer to abstract ideas. Look at the following examples:

Let’s go out for a dinner tonight.

Let’s go out for dinner tonight.

The creativity is a valuable quality in children.

Creativity is a valuable quality in children.

Many languages and nationalities are not preceded by an article. Consider the example below:

I studied the French in high school for four years.

I studied French in high school for four years.

Sports and academic subjects do not require articles. See the sentences below for reference:

I like to play the baseball.

I like to play baseball.

My sister was always good at the math.

My sister was always good at math.